We’ve got another week with a bazillion small games that are likely outshined by the slew of high profile ports and re-releases. Honestly though, you can think of this week as the calm before the storm, because after that it’s going to be an onslaught of AAA game after AAA game as the video game companies once again go after your precious Xmas dollars. Black Friday is just over a month away, and before you know it, December 25th will roll around.
It’s beginning to (almost) look a lot like Christmas…
Ring Fit Adventure (Switch) – Releases Oct. 18th
Nintendo hired two flesh golems to sell you their latest fitness gimmick (they’re the two in the header image, in case you were wondering). In Ring Fit Adventure, you must perform a series of exercises and and poses in order to advance in the game. Using RPG style progression, you must make your way through a series of mini-games as you work towards…something. This thing is so dumb that it makes Labo look like the greatest idea in gaming. I’m not sure what Nintendo is going for here (casual fitness fans?), but it isn’t working on me. It’s not! I swear it! Dammit, hand, stop moving the mouse over to the Amazon bookmark…you bastard, don’t do it…don’t you fucking do it…*grabs hatchet and lops off hand*…hahahahahahaha!!!! I WIN!!! Burn in Hell right hand!! Your power over me is relinquished and I am once again in charge of my own destiny. Okay, back to Ring Fit Adventure, so it looks fucking dumb…wait a minute, where’s the hand?
Disco Elysium (PC) – Releases Oct. 15th
Need a little bit of a Cyberpunk-esque fix before the actual game comes out? Why not try Disco Elysium, a new RPG coming to Steam on…what the hell was that? I thought I heard a noise under the desk…probably nothing. Taking on the role of a detective, you must traverse through a desolate wasteland of a city, meeting a cast of interesting characters as you try to work with or against them…okay, something just brushed by my foot. What the heck is going on?
Little Town Hero (Switch) – Releases Oct. 16th
Developer Game Freak is best known for their mega popular Pokemon series, but the studio has branched out from time to time in the last 15 years releasing titles like Drill Dozer, HarmoKnight and Tembo the Badaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! Something just grabbed my ankle, I’m not messing around here, okay, something is in this room messing with me and it needs to stop. Are you listening weird thing in the room, knock it off! People need to know about this new RPG with a convoluted battle system from the makers of Pokemon that will likely flop and never be spoken of again.
The Jackbox Party Pack 6 (PC/PS4/Switch/Xbox One) – Releases Oct. 17th
*LOUD CRASH* okay, whatever this thing is, it did not like how I bad mouthed Little Town Hero. Look, okay, let’s just face facts, Game Freak is the Pokemon studio, okay, that’s just a fact. I can appreciate that they’re going for something different here, but come on, you know this game isn’t going to amount to much. Have you played Tembo the Badass Elephant 2, no, you haven’t, because it does not, and will not, exist. Are you going to play the next Pokemon after Sword and Shield, of course you are, because you’re a lemming just like me. *Loud slap* WHAT THE FUCK! Something just slapped me in my face, and I know this is going to sound crazy…but I think it might have been my hand. Shut up, it’s possible.
Since I’m a Mega64 shill, here they are playing the game during TwitchCon:
Plants vs. Zombies: Battle for Neighborville (PC/PS4/Xbox One) – Releases Oct. 18th
I know it sounds crazy, my hand coming back to life and attacking me, it’s like something out of a movie, yeah…no, not that one, the other one…yeah, with the guy. Anyway, this is a nice segue into our next game, Plants vs. Zombies: Battle for Neighborville. What started as a charming tower defense game where you defended your home from an army of the undead using a slew of mutated foliage, has now become the latest in a long line of class shooters in which your team must defeat the other team in a slew of online multiplayer matches. *Clears throat*, boy, I sure do hate undead things, yeah, in fact if I happened to see an undead creature right now I’d probably kick its ass for being a little punk biiieeeeeeeeeeee!!! I KNEW IT!!! IT’S MY HAND. AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Ports and Re-releases:
Baldur’s Gate/Baldur’s Gate II/Icewind Dale/Planescape Torment – Enhanced Editions (PS4/Switch/Xbox One) – Releases Oct. 15th
*Gurgling* The classic…PC RPGs from the late 90’s and early 00’s are…GAG…making their way to modern c-c-c-consoles this week. They’re available digitally or physically with two games bundled together. *Gasping for air* please help, I’m choking.
Overwatch (Switch) – Releases Oct. 15th
Witcher III: Complete Edition (PS4 /Xbox One) – Releases Oct. 11th
Please…I want to play Witcher III on Switch…someone help me…this hand is…is…is…trying to kill me.
Sega Ages: Columns II/Ichidant-R (Switch) – Releases Oct. 17th
Wait…maybe you can just let me die…
Travis Strikes Again: Complete Edition (PC/PS4) – Releases Oct. 17th
Wait, I changed my mind…I want…to…LIVE!
Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth: Complete Edition (PS4/Switch) – Releases Oct. 18th
Urge to die…rising…
A Hat in Time (Switch) – Releases Oct. 18th
No, I’m good, let me live.
Return of the Obra Dinn (PS4/Switch/Xbox One) – Releases Oct. 18th
Uh…live, I guess? I heard this was good.
This hand is doing it’s best to try and kill me, so here’s a quick snapshot of the rest of the garbage…I mean games, coming out this week:
- Morels: The Hunt (PC) – Releases Oct. 15th
- Outbuddies (PC) – Releases Oct. 15th
- Zombieland: Double Tap – Road Trip (PC/PS4/Switch/Xbox One) – Releases Oct. 15th
- The Fisherman: Fishing Planet (PC/PS4/Xbox One) – Releases Oct. 17th
- Kine (PC – Epic/PS4/Switch/Xbox One) – Releases Oct. 17th
- Monkey King: Hero Is Back (PC/PS4) – Releases Oct. 17th
- Sea Salt (PC/Switch/Xbox One) – Releases Oct. 17th
- Stela (Xbox One) – Releases Oct. 17th
- Driven Out (PC/PS4/Xbox One) – Releases Oct. 18th
- Ice Age: Scrat’s Nutty Adventure (PC/PS4/Switch/Xbox One) – Releases Oct. 18th
Notable Releases from 10, 20 and 30 years ago:
*Panting heavily* Okay, I think I’ve managed to get away from the hand. I threw it in my closet and have a chair holding it shut. Now, we’ve got three really great games from past decades to talk about, starting with a title that revolutionized gaming….noooooooooooooooo!!! I’t back, oh god, no!
Borderlands (PS3/Xbox 360) – Released Oct. 20th, 2009: Wiki Link
iuyiuOIUHGYUGBBKJNhhuhuoioooooooo ‘9809LKkijjoi[IOMM……………..JNYUYH FuuCKK you handoi…uoipupoiuUIUHJHKIHGYTRFTFNKJHG9789876877 *&^$$#AAAHUHuhui564652…Randy Pitchford wanted to change the way we play together……<><><>>KI((JOLP:OOiiuoiuoiuopiupoiu*&&&*@Uuol;oo loot shhooeter OPOPPPPPPPPPJkllllllllllllUI**)()@
Pokemon Yellow (GameBoy/GameBoy Color) – Released Oct. 19th, 1999: Wiki Link
AAAAffter the succccccpouuio9890essss, FUCK YO(U, of Pokemon Blue and Red, Nintendo releasedpoi[pipoii0-990-9&*((((((((((((((((((((((((( based on the anoimmme*@798-0JJJJJJJJJJJIiiiojsljkbcvpiooijj I WILL DESTROY YOPU HAND!!!!!!! began a tradition of supplemental titles………….iiiiiiii1209-0-098. THE KNKIF!! GIVE ME THE KNOFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Romance of the Three Kingdoms (NES) – Released Oct. 1989: Wiki Link
I’ve got the best in my grasp! Hold the book in front of me as I recite the passage!! *Lightning cracks, the wind howls, and a torrential downpour occurs outside of the room*.
Prodire praecipio vobis
Possidebit hæc turpi abominationem facientem
Sit damnatio ignes adolebitque animam suam
Superari te mihi in abyssum irent
Nec victoris erit vobis corrumpere hoc mundo
*With one fell swoop, Andy plunges the knife into the palm of his former hand. Black oooze spews from the wound, covering his entire face in the putrid discharge.* AUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS DONE!!! BEGONE FOUL DEMON, GO BACK TO THE HELL PIT YOU WERE SPAWNED FROM!!! AUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In 1985, after finding success with their Japanese historical strategy game Nobunaga’s Ambition, Koei decided to create a game based on the famous Chinese history novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms. The game was a huge success with PC players and seemed to surpass their previous Nobunaga title in just about every way, and even had the creator of Dungeons & Dragons singing its praise (no, not Gary Gygax, the other guy). With such a stellar reception (and with the success of Nobunaga’s Ambition on the console), Koei eventually ported the game to the NES, giving historical strategy game nerds yet another title to sink their teeth (and time) into. I’m not sure anyone in 1989 would have expected this title to still be going strong today, but it is, as part XIII came out in 2016, and part XIV is slated for a 2020 release. As you may, or may not, know, the series also spawned the successful Dynasty Warriors series which in turn spawned a whole genre of “musou” games. When I was a kid this was another one of those titles I would always see the dealers and pros pick in Nintendo Power magazine, and I’d rent it from Blockbuster and get super confused and decry it as garbage. What I wouldn’t give to go back and give these another shot, boy, if I could just somehow, I don’t know, make a deal with some malevolent force to enter my childhood body but with my adult mind, in essence, do a new game+ on my own life…wait, what’s this passage in the book…it’s words look like wet blood, but it doesn’t wipe away, oh dear god, what have I done? No…it was just me musing, speaking my thoughts aloud…I don’t really want to go back…no!! You can not have my soul!!!!!!! I WANT TO LIVE…….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, nooooooooo@OOOOOOOOOO!OOOOOO!O@#$OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!