The Night Thread wants to show the world it’s cool. Relaxed. With it. But not cool like in the sense of those damn youths with their slick minimalist ties they bought at Express Men. We want to be cool like those multicolored dancing bear vinyls we slap on the back of our minivans.

We want to wear a Jerry Garcia tie. Or a J. Garcia tie; an NY Times article published in 1992 (when the ties debuted) says “that because Mr. Garcia wanted to distance his ties from Grateful Dead paraphernalia and Deadhead T-shirts, he was releasing them simply under the name J. Garcia.”

The Jerry Garcia ties are inspired from his paintings, which are about what you’d expect from they guy who performed “Truckin'” or “Sugar Magnolia”.  Admittedly the abstract nature of the paintings make it a better fit for ties than, say, Rembrandt, but the psychedelic fluidity makes it less stiff than one based on, say, Mondrian.

From an ad copy: “In addition to being one of the most gifted musicians of his time, Garcia was also a talented and celebrated artist who attended the San Francisco Art Institute. His artwork, which displays vibrant colors and psychedelic designs, is a wonderful reflection of the colorful life that Garcia led. Fans of his music are sure to love these artistic ties just as much as they loved his amazing recordings and live performances. Our Jerry Garcia ties feature real examples of this artist’s unique work.”

Someone at the agency did not make the distinction between “J. Garcia” and “Jerry Garcia.”

I imagine that these ties are supposed to be worn at parties. You know, when you leave your red power tie at home. I personally have one such tie, which I think I may have worn once thinking to wear it at said parties… but as it turns out most of the time I’m rocking Marvel Comics shirts at such occasions. Or if it’s more formal, something much more tasteful. Also made of sturdier material that won’t fly up when you brush up against it. And definitely one that doesn’t make me look like a dad trying to look cool. Kenneth Cole ties are roughly the better investment 100% of the time.

That said, there’s nothing in the rulebook that says you can’t wear these ties on more somber occasions… such as being an attorney at the Casey Anthony trial.