From the Original Site: The 2016 Peely Awards

Back in the final days of 2016, the Avocado – then just a loose Disqus page – had an awards event for the worst films of the year. Since then, the Peely Awards have expanded beyond just film to celebrate the worst in all of pop culture, now with a better home on this website. I’ve repeatedly thought about uploading the original one here, too, but lethargy always got the better of me. However, given that original Disqus pages will soon be going the way of the dinosaur, it’s finally time to put the original awards back on our new, actually lovely site.

Below is the original article “And the Winners of the First-Ever “Peely” Awards Are…,” with only small edits for grammar, removing links to now-dead Disqus pages, and using a real bulleted list instead of hyphens, which was impossible back in those days. It’s a lot rougher than what we do now, indicative of how much younger the community was then. Given how long it’s been, some users may have changed their usernames; if you’d prefer to have yours updated just leave a comment. I’ve also bolded the first word of each paragraph so it’s easier to read in the block quote.

Well, everyone, after two weeks of nominations and votes , countless hundreds of comments, and constant reminders, the Peely Awards are at an end. I have taken note of our nominations and tallied our votes, so let us look at The Peely Awards for the Worst in Film of 2016!

This was an exciting year for bad movies. We had a glut of rightwing agitprop, bloated franchise non-starters, multiple video game adaptations, some terrible children’s movies taking space from some great ones, bizarre narrative contrivances, and some poor plotting in otherwise not too bad films. Because of that, this was a packed field, one as vast and diverse in its kinds as (unofficial) Peelies mascot Eric Roberts!

But even still, it was hard not to see some particular standouts amongst the crowd. Batman Trouble in Superman China got so much attention we had to relegate it to its own category, not counting any nomination of it outside that. Collateral Beauty struck back, showing that you don’t need costumes to make a star studded melodrama just as unappetizing. And oh, right; there was also a movie shot like a first-person shooter, a scene for scene remake of a film that’s like a decade old, and that movie where Kevin Spacey was a talking cat (!?!). But still, so many films were honored in this hallowed HTML box, so much so that I’m reasonably certain there were a number that didn’t even get a mention.

However, this is not merely about the films; this is about our community. We have shown, and will hopefully show again for many years to come, that celebrating, haranguing, and recognizing the worst of the worst does not have to come from those lazy, insulting jackanapes of the Razzies. We came up with something brilliant and exciting, and I’m so proud and happy for the wealth of participation. Nominations are below.

Categories and Winners (and top five nominations, with exceptions for ties):

1. Movie With The Worst Message (El Marinero):

  • I’m Not Ashamed, the Christian film that blames the Columbine shooting on Darwin (32)
  • God’s Not Dead 2, something something teachers aren’t allowed to say Jesus’ name at schools. Something something atheists want to literally kill God. Something something all non Christians are evil. (21)
  • Me Before You, people with disabilities are a burden on their families and careers, and are better off dead than disabled. (12)
  • Passengers, (11)
  • Trolls, the only feelings you should ever have are happiness, and wariness of people who are not happy (10)

2. Dumbest Villain (DiabetesMan):

  • Dinesh D’Souza, Hillary’s America: The Secret History of the Democratic Party (16)
  • Ray Wise, God’s Not Dead 2 (15)
  • Francis/Ajax, Deadpool (10)
  • Jared Leto, Suicide Squad (9)
  • Incubus/Enchantress, Suicide Squad (6)

3. Most Incredibly Pointless Movie (Wolfman Jew):

  • The Scene-for-Scene Remake of Cabin Fever (22)
  • Sully (18)
  • Bridget Jones’s Baby (11)
  • Max Steel (10)
  • Yoga Hosers (10)

4. Single Worst Line of Dialogue in 2016, Otherwise Good Film Edition (Lovely Bones):

  • “The power of Patty compels you!,” Ghostbusters (15)
  • “You know I’ve had my head tilted up to the stars for as long as I can remember You know what surprised me the most? It wasn’t meeting them. It was meeting you,” Arrival (10)
  • “Hope,” Rogue One: a Star Wars Story, (1)

5. Single Worst Line of Dialogue as Punchline to Already Bad Film (Lovely Bones):

  • “Go back to Fučkheadistan!,” London Has Fallen (33)
  • “Turns out Death is an elderly white woman,” Collateral Beauty (21)
  • “I’m going to prove that GOD is dead,” God’s Not Dead 2 (14)
  • “You used to be able to walk into the bank, ask where the money was and they’d show you a gold brick,” Money Monster (14)

6. Skeeviest-Ass Male Lead (Wolfman Jew):

  • Chris Pratt, Passengers (23)
  • Jared Leto, Suicide Squad (14)

7. Worst application of Grit (El Marinero):

  • Suicide Squad (19)
  • The Huntsman: Winter’s War (12)
  • Batman: The Killing Joke (7)
  • The Accountant (4)
  • Rogue One (3)

8. Worst Right-Wing Movie (Leonard Bernstein):

  • God’s Not Dead 2 (28)
  • Hillary’s America: The Secret History of the Democratic Party (25)
  • London has Fallen (9)
  • Kindergarten Cop 2 (7)
  • The Angry Birds Movie

9. Worst Career Decision (MacCrocodile):

  • Ernie Hudson, God’s Not Dead 2 (22)
  • Kevin Spacey, Nine Lives (20)
  • Will Smith, Collateral Beauty (19)
  • Jared Leto, Suicide Squad (11)
  • Amy Adams, Nocturnal Animals (2)
  • Will Smith, Suicide Squad (2)

10. Movie that Most Needed a Tonal Shift (DiabetesMan):

  • Suicide Squad (21)
  • Passengers (16)
  • The Accountant (5)

11. Movie that Most Makes you Hate the Oscars (thunderclap_monolith) /
Worst Movie Made To Shamelessly Pander For Awards Recognition (Mirage):

  • Collateral Beauty (27)
  • Sully (5)
  • Jackie (2)
  • Birth of a Nation (1)
  • Passengers

12. Worst Dudebro Film (DiabetesMan):

  • 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi (28)
  • Hardcore Henry (11)
  • Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising (10)
  • Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (7)
  • War Dogs (3)

13. Most Bone-Headed Decision In An Adaptation (LoveWaffle):

  • Setting most of Assassin’s Creed in the present, rather than the past where the assassination stuff happens (22)
  • Having not even one Egyptian lead in Gods of Egypt (21)
  • Warcraft for taking what I assume to be a massive, grand mythology and stuffing so much of it in one film it all just looks terribly miserable (17)
  • Making The Angry Birds Movie an allegory for how immigrants are a cover for the subversion and destruction of their new country’s culture (15)
  • The existence of The Killing Joke and/or the sex scene (11)

14. Most Bone-headed Decision In Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (LoveWaffle):

  • A major plot twist hinging on Batman and Superman’s mothers both coincidentally being named “Martha” in the comics (33)
  • Adapting The Death Of Superman at the beginning of Superman’s career (19)
  • Batmurderer (18)
  • “Just fscking everything about Lex Luthor”/Letting Jesse Eisenberg do…whatever he did as Luthor. (17/16)*
  • Killing Jimmy Olsen as a throwaway character (14)

* As these were essentially the same and had upvotes from almost the exact same posters, I’m combining them

15. Worst Ad Campaign (Snob_Approve):

  • Sing (28)
  • Sausage Party (13)
  • Deadpool (7)
  • Collateral Beauty (5)

16. Worst Plot Twist/Revelation (Lovely Bones):

  • Collateral Beauty (26)
  • Passengers (13)
  • Don’t Breathe (7)
  • Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them (4)
  • The Accountant

17. Least Necessary Sequel or Remake (SilentSpy):

  • Ben-Hur (28)
  • Independence Day: Resurgence (27)
  • Zoolander 2 (21)
  • My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 (14)
  • The Magnificent Seven (13)

18. Most Confusing Title (Wolfman Jew):

  • Collateral Beauty (33)
  • The Divergent Series: Allegiant (23)
  • Hillary’s America: The Secret History of the Democratic Party (18)
  • Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk (15)
  • (Steven Seagal is) Contract to Kill (9)

19. Most Misleading Trailer (DemiDeva):

  • 10 Cloverfield Lane (7)
  • Passengers (6)
  • Alice Through the Looking Glass (4)
  • Nocturnal Animals (3)
  • Collateral Beauty (2)

20. Greatest Distance Between a Movie and its Ambitions (DemiDeva)

  • Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (16)*
  • The Accountant (12)
  • Mother’s Day (7)
  • Nocturnal Animals (5)
  • Collateral Beauty (4)
  • Batman: the Killing Joke (4)

21. Worst-Sounding Title for a 2016 Eric Roberts Movie (Wolfman Jew) (DOUBLE WINNER!)

  • Sorority Slaughterhouse (13)
  • Prayer Never Fails (13)
  • Through a Class Darkly (7)
  • Victory by Submission (4)
  • Santa’s Boot Camp (3)

22. Worst Children’s Animated Feature (Molecule Man)

  • Sing (23)
  • The Angry Birds Movie (19)
  • Ice Age: Collision Course (11)
  • Norm of the North (9)
  • Trolls (6)
  • Storks (6)

23. Movie You Most Wanted to Punch in the Face (Buck Dharma Initiative)

  • Hillary’s America: The Secret History of the Democratic Party (34)
  • Suicide Squad (27)
  • Sausage Party (18)
  • London Has Fallen (13)
  • Hardcore Henry (11)
  • Yoga Hosers (11)

24. Moviest Movie, for the Movie that Most Poorly or Nakedly Pushes Every Button the Theatre Experience Would Seem to Demand (Gougagna)

  • X-Men: Apocalypse (27)
  • The Legend of Tarzan (5)
  • Ghostbusters (5)
  • Ben Hur (4)
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows (3)

And, well, that’s it. See you all in late December for the 2019 nominations.