Hey, y’all! If I’ve read my WordPress settings right (and Scott can confirm if this is true, what with his periodic reminders) this is my 100th Open Thread!

I have been waiting a long time for this!

I want to thank you all for tolerating all my mad topics, whether it be about delineating the lyrics to “Hey Leonardo!” or celebrating that one Fist sculpture in downtown Detroit or recounting the opening intro from Ookla the Mok’s song to Kang the Conqueror.

Today, I have a special message for you all.

BE

SURE

TO

DRINK

YOUR

GGGAAAAHHHH!

OK, so this is a still from an Ovaltine ad that aired during the Howdy Doody show. Our clown, Clarabell Hornblow, turns out to be the less creepy host in the segment. You want to know terror… it’s that damn wooden puppet himself, Howdy Doody. How children were entertained by that in the 1950’s, I have no idea.

Children were made of sterner stuff in the post-War era.

Clarabell, though, is no spring chicken either. (It should be noted, by the way, that the man behind the make-up is none other than Bob Keeshan, a.k.a. Captain Kangaroo.) He follows a very old school tradition of clowning. His make-up hews closer to what we call the “Auguste” style, where the make-up schematic puts emphasis on the area above the eyes and around the mouth. As a result, expressions are heightened.  Think of the whole thing like Disney costumed mascots, only with more facial mobility.

The idea is that even if you’re standing still or at rest, it looks like you’ve got a permanent smile and your eyes are in an expression of surprise. These are clowns of the Lou Jacobs, Albert Fratellini, and various Ringling Brothers varieties. The Auguste clowns are the goofy anarchists, who stand in contrast to the more bossy and less silly whiteface clowns.

That said, the style can look a bit creepy in these modern times. In the unpublished book I am currently writing in my mind, “The Modern History And Aesthetics of Clowns,” I have noticed the younger set have, perhaps subconsiously, taken on anime as their inspiration. The current favored iteration is known as “Auguste lite“, which softens the features so as not to seem so grotesque. Auguste lite practitioners would not look out of place with the ganguro set that was sweeping Japan a decade ago.

I have, for my 100th post, taken it upon myself to update Clarabell’s look for the 21st Century.

Using the Meitu app (guaranteed to make your selfies more beautiful than ever), I have transformed our erstwhile Ovaltine mascot into a new corporate mascot.

One that can take the chocolately drink into the bright, bold future.

Witness… the All New, All Different Clarabell Hornblow 2.0 (a.k.a. Admiral Kangaroo)!

It’s … basically perfect.

I think this just might be my masterpiece.