And now, a list of things she doesn’t like me for:

• my car
• my money
• looking like Ralph Lauren Polo model Tyson Beckford
• having the charm of Robert Redford oozing out my ears
• my big screen
• my collection of DVDs
• despite not having much to spend, being able to fly her to places she’s never been (even all she has to do is say “when”)
• hanging out with Leonardo diCaprio
• hanging out with Steve Buscemi (Fargo)
• being able to sing like famed opera legend Pavorotti (which is not evinced in the Blessid Union of Souls discography)
• being such a hottie
• being tough like Dirty Harry
• making her laugh just like Jim Carrey (unlike the Cable Guy)

A list of things she like me for:

• ME