Games

New Game Releases 05/07/19 – 05/13/19

Sometimes I wonder if I deserve all of the things I’ve been blessed with. A loving spouse, a healthy child, a great job with a decent salary, a full head of hair, a handsome(ish) face, great friends both in the real world and through various online communities. I wonder if I’m just an impostor, a shell of a real person, as if god built me like a Hollywood movie set, with just a few walls and nothing inside. I wondered if the joy I occasionally feel was real, because sometimes I doubt I have any left inside of me, but this past Sunday I saw someone hit a grand slam in baseball.

Shakedown: Hawaii (PC/PS4/PS Vita/Switch) – Releases May 7th, PC version appears to be exclusive to the Epic Games Store

“Why is that important”, you might be asking yourself. Big fuckin’ deal, right? It’s a baseball game, these things happen, get over it. No. I’ve been going to baseball games infrequently since I was probably 4 years old, and there’s one thing about them that always left me feeling slightly dejected, that no matter how many times the bases were loaded, I’d never seen anyone do this amazing thing, one of the coolest moves in sports, the GD grand slam. (GD stands for “god damn” in case you were wondering).

Brief Battles (PC/PS4/Xbox One) – Releases May 7th

Surely, with the way things average out, I’d be bound to see one. According to the internet, there is a grand slam in roughly 1 out of 18 games played, or every 1219 at bats. Those are pretty good odds, but I’m no season ticket holder, I go to maybe 3 or 4 games a season, if at all, so if I show up and they hit one, it’s pretty special. My girlfriend can attest to this, but every time the bases are loaded I always say, “Alright, here we go; grand slam, baby!” and then it never happens and I let out a little chuckle and say, “Oh well, next time”, and the fake smile I’ve grown so accustomed to showing everyone creeps onto my face. This always happened, but not Sunday.

Puyo Puyo Champions (PC/PS4/Switch/Xbox One) – Releases May 7th

If there’s something I hate more than anything in life, it’s confrontations, particularly when I think the other side has a clear advantage. When my girlfriend told me she got us tickets to the Padres game I was happy, why wouldn’t I be, then she said who the opponent was, the fucking Dodgers. My heart fell out of my chest, I hate the Dodgers, because all my life I’ve heard people say shit like, “…the Padres are terrible, that’s why I go for the Dodgers, you like the Padres? Fucking loser”. It’s par for the course if you’re a San Diego sports fan. Supposedly no one likes the home team, and we only support them when they are winning. Eat me, I like the Padres. My girlfriend and her family, die hard, and I mean “we bleed Dodger blue” die hard fans. I get it though, she lived in LA for a little while when she was young, and it was her dad’s favorite team growing up, so it makes sense, and I don’t fault them for that. How could I? However, I knew what it was like when the Dodgers came to San Diego, it meant a stadium full of enemies who would cheer louder than us, boo louder than us, and basically tell us to know our place, because these were the mother fucking Dodgers, the best team on planet Earth. I initially said that I didn’t want to go, find someone else who would appreciate the ticket more than I would; so she tried.

Life is Strange 2 – Episode 3: Wastelands (PC/PS4/Xbox One) – Releases May 9th

Then I started to stew on it. Why was I doing this? Why was I running away from a perfectly good afternoon with my girlfriend, my child, and her family? Could there be confrontation if things started to look one sided in the game, yeah, maybe, but so what if we lost (because we were clearly going to lose), I’d just be happy to spend the time with them; fill up some of that emptiness that I have inside. Well, it started off pretty good. The second at bat, Padres right fielder Franmil Reyes was up, and he belted a whopper out of the park. The crowd was wild. We probably weren’t outnumbered attendance wise compared to the Dodger faithful, but we were outnumbered in spirit. These folks were rabid, and we Padres fans are just like, chill, about the whole thing, it’s whatever man. Nah, we hit a home run, and these Dodger fans were going to hear about it. Things were going great, more hits, more runs, we led 4 to nothing, then the Dodgers, showing why they’re number one in the division, dismantled us. Soon that 4-0 score, was 4-3, then 4-4, then 4-5, and we were losing, and the Dodger fans were showing us, double fold, what a crowd sounded like when their team was doing good. I was ashamed, but kept my fake smile. 9th inning, what do we do?

 

Ports and Re-releases:

Saint’s Row: The Third – The Full Package (Switch) – Releases May 10th

The bunt is an effective, but underutilized play in baseball. It’s not exciting, or flashy; hell, it’s pretty much the dopiest thing you can do. You awkwardly hold the bat and tap the ball onto the ground, just enough out of reach of all the infielders that you can make it to first base. After Eric Hosmer’s single, the next batter, Manuel Margot hit his bunt, and jetted his way to first. Two on, we can win this thing now; will Wil Myers hit a homer? Nah, he’ll also bunt, and load the bases, with no outs. Easy win now baby, the chant of “Beat LA” ringing through Petco Park. The Dodger fans sitting behind me screaming “Shut the fuck up”, I stayed silent, because I didn’t want to make my girlfriend and her family uncomfortable. I know I wouldn’t want them rubbing a win in my face. Then it kind of fell apart.

Yakuza Kiwami 2 (PC) – Releases May 9th

Greg Garcia, the baseball player, not the creator of My Name Is Earl, went to bat. All he had to do was get a base hit or a sac fly and this game was donezo; he struck out. The Dodger fans behind me started laughing, cautiously, and were still telling people to now “shut up” instead of “shut the fuck up” because the odds were going back in their favor. Next up was Francisco Meija, a guy with a .187 batting average, jesus fucking fuck, but ya know, he might do…nope, he popped out at first, not even enough time for the third baseman to try and score. Okay, well, who’s next? Huh? The pitcher…THE PITCHER!!!!??!!!???! I guess I should get ready to leave.

 

Everything else:

Machi Knights: Blood Bagos (Switch) – Releases May 9th

Soon the chants of “Beat LA” were starting to sound more like a desperate question, and the fans behind me were now standing, arms around each other’s shoulders chanting, “We LA! We LA!!”. I thought about turning to my girlfriend and saying, “Alright, grand slam, baby”, but I paused. First of all, it won’t happen, because I don’t deserve anything good in my life, but also, that’s kind of a dick thing to say to her as she’s watching her all-time favorite sports team. I bite my tongue, and sit back, waiting to have this stupid pitcher strike out or ground to second…holy shit they’re using a pinch hitter. FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES. Hunter, mother effing, Renfroe. The Dodgers had used two pinch hitters earlier to no avail, so I wasn’t expecting much, I mean, we’re the Padres, it’s in our DNA to fuck this up. Wasn’t it?

Dragon Pinball (Switch) – Releases May 10th

The count was 0-1, I sat there, holding my sweater in my hand, ready to get up and slink back to the car as I listened to every Dodger fan tell us what pieces of shit we were for being Padres fans, but instead, magic.

Lovecraft’s Untold Stories (Switch) – Releases May 10th (already available on PC)

I stood up and immediately threw my hands in air, something I almost never do because I find it crass and uncouth. I was shouting and yelling and I turned to my girlfriend and with wide eyed amazement I just screamed at her, this guttural “ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”. It wasn’t in a mean spirited way, it was more like a “Oh shit, I’ve always wanted to see a grand slam and I finally saw one and it won us the game” scream, it was actual, pure joy, the kind I just don’t feel anymore. I kept yelling into the crowd and just let out a huge, “FUCK YOU!” to the empty void. I had hoped that anyone who was there to root against me and my town was now feeling that emptiness and despair that I feel inside just about every day. Fuck you is fucking right.

Notable Releases from 10, 20 and 30 years ago:

Earlier I mentioned that a grand slam is fairly rare, only happening once every 18 games or so (that’s all games played, not just a particular team). Guess how rare a walk-off grand slam is? There have only been 180 in the entire history of the MLB, well, now 181. Not only did I finally get to see the one play in all of sports I’ve always wanted to see, I got to see one of the rarest instances of it, ever! Not just on TV, but real life, right before my eyes. I was ready to go home.

Resident Evil: Degeneration (iOS) – Released May 10th, 2009: Wiki Link

Do I deserve good things? No. Wait, what? You heard me, no, I don’t deserve good things. I want good things though, and the fates of the cosmos have determined that good things will happen to me, and they’re just as much about luck and chance as it is seeing a grand slam in baseball. I just need to stop wanting these things to happen and accept that their either will or they won’t, I have little control over it. I could be happy if I wanted to, but the thing, I guess, it to stop trying to be happy. It’s like Marge said to Lisa, you want to be sad? Be sad, it’s okay. If I can remove this façade and build up the person inside of the shell, the happiness could follow. Maybe I should just get over myself…there’s the façade again.

Ken Griffey Jr.’s Slugfest (Nintendo 64) – Released May 10th, 1999: Wiki Link

Ken Griffey Jr. has hit 15 grand slams, and is currently ranked number 13 on the all-time leaderboard.

Arch Rivals (Arcade) – Released May 1989: Wiki Link

I don’t really know what play I’d like to see at a live basketball game, a really good dunk, I guess? Oh, a three point buzzer beater from downtown and you’re down by two points.

I also like Mega64, so here’s their latest video: