Warwilf 87: Mystery Violence Theater 3000 – Day 7

Bill Dudley enjoyed stocking the Satellite cafeteria. It wasn’t just another delivery job for him. No, sir. He enjoyed taking the time to chat with the cafeteria staff each day, making sure to ask how they were doing and to talk up his supply of loaves, rolls, and specialty breads.

“Hullo, old pal!” he greeted the crew member at the cash register. “With a murderer loose on the Satellite, it’s more important that ever to eat wholesome, carbohydrate-rich foods like bread. Here, try a sample for yourself, you’ll see how good they are. Hurkgh!”

Bill Dudley had just been impaled on Panken Ichiban, the legendary baguette katana, its dough folded over five thousand times until the crust reached razor sharpness. Only one ever baked. The ultimate specialty bread.

Ralph (Bill Dudley) has died. Ralph was a TEST SUBJECT (Town) and was also JAN IN THE PAN.

[You are a Test Subject (town) and you are also Jan In The Pan! Your telepathic powers allow you to receive messages from the cosmos. You may target any player during the night and they will be allowed to send you a private message of 25 words or less. (They will be told that you are Jan In The Pan and your alignment, but not which player you are.) You win when all scum are eliminated.]

Bill founded himself floating up, up, through the hull of the Satellite, through the drifting cloud of frozen corpses, towards the stars. A gate of pure light opened before him.

“Well done, Bill Dudley,” said a beautiful voice from deep within the light. Bill gaped. It was the can of Hamdingers.

“But–but you’re dead!” said Bill.

“This is my true form,” said the can, spreading ethereal wings so vast they seemed to brush the edges of the galaxy. “I am Whitey, and you, Bill, have earned Paradise. Enter ye now into eternity.”

“Heaven?” Bill gasped. “But…I robbed Mr. Duffy. I parlayed my job into flings with reporters. I bought my indolent daughter’s way into Yale by plying the admissions staff with specialty breads. I’m…I’m a monster!”

“None of that matters,” Whitey said soothingly. “You were a good bread salesman, and that’s all we care about.”


Player Roll Call

Flubba (Mikey the Mike Sprite)CYMBAL BANGING MONKEY (Serial Killer)

Josephus (Reb Brown)

Mr. I’m My Own Grandfather (Zap Rowsdower)TEST SUBJECT (Town)

Hoho (Greasy Possum)


Sister Jude (Harried MST3K Writer)REBEL TEST SUBJECT (Wolf) – GODZILLA

E-dog (E-Dog)

Goat (Pumaman/Sam The Keeper)TEST SUBJECT (Town) – A UNION PACIFIC TRAIN

Mayelbridwen (Giant Lobster)(REBEL) TEST SUBJECT (Wolf Recruit) – THE MASTER

Louie (A Can of Hamdingers)TEST SUBJECT (Town) – WHITEY


Donalbain (Phil Mitchell)TEST SUBJECT (Town) – THE SCREAMING SKULL

Clodia (Skeleton Army)WILD CARD TEST SUBJECT (Unaligned) – JIMMY WILSON

Spooky (John Mulaney)

Mr. Glitch (The Amazing Colossal Man)TEST SUBJECT (Town)

Wasp (Mr. B Natural)TEST SUBJECT (Town) – IVAN

Captain Video (Commander Dobler)TEST SUBJECT (Town) – MAC

Ralph (Bill Dudley)TEST SUBJECT (Town) – JAN IN THE PAN

Sukaluski (Scruffy)

Grumproro (Johnny)TEST SUBJECT (Town) – TRUMPY

Lamb Dance (Santa Claus)TEST SUBJECT (Town) – ARAM FINGAL


This experiment contains:

Fourteen Four Test Subjects (town). I won’t give you ALL the details, but they include more than one one-shot vigilante, a doctor, a jailer, an investigator, and a spy who can observe night actions, among other things both useful and not-so-useful.

Four Five Three One Rebel Test Subject (wolf). These space mutineers have one recruiter, one rebel who won’t read as a rebel, one vanilla rebel, and someone who can do something else that will be an unpleasant surprise if it happens. A specific Rebel Test Subject is assigned to perform the killings each night. If they are killed or blocked, the next one in the line of succession takes the job, and so on.

No Wild Card Test Subjects (unaligned.) All Wild Cards are either dead, or have completed their win conditions and become regular Town players.

No more Cymbal-Banging Monkeys jumping on the bed.

Named roles and allegiances are revealed upon death. So are powers…mostly.

Some roles are SECRET. The roled player loses their power if they publically reveal either the name of their role or its power. They do not lose the power if these things are revealed through any other method.

A tie at Movie Sign=no kill. There’s plenty of other ways to die in this thing.

The Pant Association urges you to wear your pants at least three times per day, and the Post Association recommends you post at least as often! Please don’t quote directly from QTs, no editing posts, and let’s all be awesome to each other and have fun!

Movie Sign will be on Tuesday, March 26, at 7:00 PM Central US time.