The Thursday Politics Thread Knows Everything About Being A Rat

Morning Politocadoes

“Everything was for the taking. And now it’s all over.”

Shortly after it was made clear that Donald Trump would win the election in November 2016, Michael Cohen began gloating.

“This is the beginning of a dynasty.”

“I’ve already got the bug. Nobody’s going to be able to fuck with us. I think I’m going to run for mayor.”

Preventing people from asking too many questions about his boss’ business had netted him a comfortable life. A life few other graduates of the Cooley Law School might know. The years of loyal service had paid off. But now his proximity to power was truly intimidating.

And for a while, it worked. He set up consulting deals with companies whom knew he had an in with the new administration. He got paid, they got played, that’s what happens when you don’t realize you’re working with a scummy mob lawyer working with a fraud president and not with an actual consultant to an actual president.

But it all went wrong. His boss was out of control. Some might say it was never sustainable. He fired some people. Made enemies. Maybe made deals with the wrong people. He was that kind of guy.giphy (5).gif

And through it all, his boss told his subordinates to keep quiet, after all, no one rats on a friend, right? They treat you well, you treat them well.

But before you know it, the Feds are on the trail. Mikey’s sweet life came to a crashing end when the FBI raided his home and office in April of this year.

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With legal woes piling up, Cohen soon found himself the target of the Mueller Probe and a separate investigation by the US Attorney’s office of the Southern District of New York.  The man who once claimed he’d take a bullet for Trump watched as the President prevaricated over whether he’d intercede on his behalf. And when Trump didn’t, Cohen turned Stooly. He pleaded guilty and turned state’s evidence in a bid to save his own skin.

Michael Cohen has been sentenced to three years in prison to various charges including lying to Congress, campaign finance violations, and tax evasion. In addition to the time served he must forfeit $500,000 in assets and $1.39 million in restitution to the IRS. His crimes implicate the President of the United States as well as the parent company of “media outlet” the National Enquirer in direct attempts at influencing an election.

This long-time personal lawyer for noted Mobbed-Up Slum Lord Donald Trump, claimed that what caused him to walk down this dark path was one thing: loyalty. He was blindly loyal to Donald Trump. This is not strictly speaking true. Cohen is guilty of greed, which led him to the doorstep of Donald Trump. Ya see,


It isn’t about loyalty. It isn’t about friendship. It’s about con-men recognizing con-men and working together so they can intimidate and hoodwink all of their marks. They lived the high life while fleecing anyone and everyone in their paths. The only true remorse that Michael Cohen has, is that he got caught and that he was damn fool enough to think honor meant anything among thieves(even if that thief happened to be the Commander-In-Chief). Cohen deserves his sentence.

May there be many, many, many more.

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