Header Credit goes to the beloved comedy institution “The Pixelated Boat” twitter account c
We gather here today to say goodbye the world’s most racist Keebler Elf, Jeffuhson Beauregahd Sesssion duh Toid.
He’s not dead. Well, politically, yes. But he lives on regardless. Trump asked Bostonian Racist Daddy Chief of Staff John Kelly to fire him yesterday because our President is a big strong grown-up who can handle things in a mature fashion.
His resignation comes on the heels of the midterms which, regardless of how you choose to define what amount of blue liquid followed, gave control of the House to the Democrats. “Moral Leader” Trump then had a batshit crazy press conference yesterday telling a black reporter that she was asking racist questions. He then got into a spat with Jim Acosta that led to the latter’s revocation of White House Press Credentials. Is it any wonder Trump was in the mood to get rid of Sessions?
Speculation abounds that Trump has learned which indictments are likely coming next. Some think its Don Jr and Eric. But, seriously? C’mon guys, there’s no way he likes his dipshit sons enough that they are the tipping point. I’m leaning toward it being Jared and Ivanka first.
All this leads to the question of why he didn’t do this sooner. Sessions recused as a part of his confirmation process and to his horrible racist cracker-ass credit, he’s stuck to his recusal. Trump’s doing this now because he is scared shitless by the prospect of a Democrat led House and whatever information the Special Counsel has amassed. It’s the last act of a desperate man.
In his attempts to shield himself, Trump has appointed a new acting Attorney General that he found at the bus stop outside Union Station. That’s not how it works but okay. I mean, as 28 USC 508 makes it clear:
(a) In case of a vacancy in the office of Attorney General, or of his absence or disability, the Deputy Attorney General may exercise all the duties of that office, and for the purpose of section 3345 of title 5 the Deputy Attorney General is the first assistant to the Attorney General.
(b) When by reason of absence, disability, or vacancy in office, neither the Attorney General nor the Deputy Attorney General is available to exercise the duties of the office of Attorney General, the Associate Attorney General shall act as Attorney General. The Attorney General may designate the Solicitor General and the Assistant Attorneys General, in further order of succession, to act as Attorney General.
Just because Trump fired Sessions doesn’t mean he can appoint someone else in his stead. In the event of the vacancy of the Attorney General’s post, the deputy AG acts in their stead. And since Rosenstein’s still deputy AG, you have to fire him and then everyone else after him. This is why it’s the Saturday Night Massacre 2: Electric Boogaloo. It’s the same thing but even dumber.
But again, this is the Administration Where the Rules are Made Up and the Laws Don’t Matter. So who knows?
Welcome to Thursday! Please be excellent to each other. Mayor McSquirrel Rule is in effect because we’re better than him. Try to avoid digging up Sex Clams. Notify a moderator if you think any news post is likely to start getting clammy and they will pin it to the top of page.