It’s time for another round of Muppet Casting, where we take a famous movie and ask, if Jim Henson’s Muppets made their own version of it (in the vein of The Muppet Christmas Carol and Muppet Treasure Island), which Muppets would you cast in the lead roles?
This week, we’re taking another detour into the world of television with Breaking Bad!
Kermit the Frog as Walter White – Walter needs to seem like a nice, harmless guy. The sort of guy you’d never think in a hundred years would become a drug kingpin. But he also has to have enough long-buried ambition and anger that his transformation seems believable. Move Kermit’s ambition from “putting on a good show” to “making fat stacks of cash”, and I think he could work. At the very least, I can picture him shouting, “I am not in danger! (waves arms in the air comically) I AM THE DANGER!”
Fozzie Bear as Jesse Pinkman – While Fozzie and Kermit don’t have the same age discrepancy as Jesse and Walt, there can be no other choice for the beloved but dim-witted and comically mismatched sidekick to Kermit’s character.
Miss Piggy as Skyler White – Not a great fit (Skyler puts up with a lot more than Miss Piggy would), but given the dearth of female Muppets, and given Piggy’s default role as Kermit’s love interest, seemed kinda unavoidable.
Bobo the Bear as Hank Schrader – Bobo seems like a good match for how Hank switches between tough guy and friendly guy without completely succeeding at either.
Dr. Teeth, Floyd Pepper, and Zoot as Combo, Badger, & Skinny Pete – These guys can definitely play dim-witted druggies. I was going to have Gonzo & Rizzo play the Badger & Skinny Pete duo, which would have been awesome, but I couldn’t do it. I had to leave Rizzo free to play . . .
Rizzo the Rat as Saul Goodman – There didn’t seem like any other choice for Saul. The greed, the cheap hustling, the sarcastic comments . . . Saul has to be Rizzo. Just picture it: “You two suck at peddling meth. Period.”
Animal as Tuco Salamanca – Tuco needs to seem like he could launch into insane violence in the blink of an eye. Animal is perfect for that.
Statler & Waldorf as Hector & Hector Salamanca – I know, I know. Casting Statler & Waldorf as character(s) who can’t even talk outside of a single flashback scene? But to the extent that Hector Salamanca is able to communicate with the world, he does the old-guy-who-don’t-give-a-crap trolling that Statler & Waldorf do so well.
Uncle Deadly as Gus Fring – Gus has to be refined, polite, serious, and genuinely threatening. I considered Sam the Eagle for the role, but he’s a bit more of a stuffed-shirt blowhard, while with Deadly you can buy the other Muppets being afraid of him.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew as Gale Boetticher – No one better for the well-meaning scientist who’s oblivious to how his work is hurting others.
Rowlf the Dog as Mike Ehrmantraut – Mike’s a fair bit more grumpy than Rowlf, but I think the dog can still sell Mike’s seen-it-all, taking-my-time attitude.
and
Walter as Todd – Just take all of Walter’s obsessive fanboyism for Kermit the Frog and all things Muppet, and convert it into Todd’s I-done-good? devotion to Mr. White.
Those are my picks for a Muppet rendition of Breaking Bad. What are yours?