It’s time for another round of Muppet Casting, where we take a famous movie and ask, if Jim Henson’s Muppets made their own version of it (in the vein of The Muppet Christmas Carol and Muppet Treasure Island), which Muppets would you cast in the lead roles?
This week, it’s the 1987 film Predator!
Miss Piggy as Dutch (a.k.a. The Future Governor of California) – I considered Kermit for Dutch, just because Kermit is almost always the leader, but I don’t think he has the aggressive tough-guy attitude needed for the part. That’s much more in Miss Piggy’s wheelhouse.
Kermit the Frog as Dillon (a.k.a. Carl Weathers Getting a Stew Going) – If Kermit’s not the leader, then he at least should be the guy who tries to assemble this mission in the first place, only to get frustrated as it goes wildly off the rails. Plus, given how much Dillon and Dutch fight, while also having pretty strong homoerotic overtones, Kermit and Piggy’s vitriolic chemistry seems like a good fit for the duo.
Gonzo the Great as Blain (a.k.a. The Future Governor of Minnesota) – Gonzo’s definitely the guy to go so overboard with this latest project that he decides to carry an utterly impractical gatling gun into the jungle with him.
Rizzo the Rat as Mac (a.k.a. Creepy Guy Who Goes Kinda Nuts) – Rizzo is one of the Muppets most likely to fall apart when faced with the Predator, and his friendship with Gonzo will give added depth to Mac’s friendship with Blain.
Rowlf the Dog as Billy (a.k.a. Magical Native American Tracker Guy) – Rowlf, being a dog, is a natural choice for a guy with near-superhuman tracking and sensing abilities. That’s really all I got here.
Fozzie Bear as Hawkins (a.k.a. The Guy with Glasses) – Hawkins repeatedly tells bad jokes (mostly about his girlfriend’s vagina) so slipping Fozzie into the role is pretty much mandatory.
Scooter as Poncho (a.k.a. … The Other Guy) – Poncho is just kinda there in the movie. Undeniably a part of the team, but without any notable personality quirks setting him apart from anyone else. Perfect for Scooter!
Janice as Anna (a.k.a. The Only Woman in the Movie) – Anna’s exposition about the jungle coming alive and “the demon who makes trophies of men” will be extra hard for the characters to buy if it’s delivered in Janice’s drawling, hippy-dippy cadences, and I think that’s funny.
The Swedish Chef as The Predator – All the guy wants is to get the ingredients he needs for his cooking show. Is that so much to ask?
Those are my picks for a Muppet rendition of Predator. What are yours?