Mel, the Other Assistant Manager, was having a great time. It turns out retail is a fantastic place to constantly be low-key evil. But if she thought no one was watching, she was wrong.
At the end of your shift, Wanda tells you to hold up.
“We’re $100 shy of the target for the month. Everyone needs to stay here and buy everything.”
Fatima picks out some shoes, Rosa buys perfume, Julius buys a DVD copy of Loose Change (the new edition), Daniel sighs and buys a composite video cable, and they all look at you guys. You go into a huddle, count what remains of your money, and settle on a size 8 pair of women’s fleece boots. They are brown on the outside, with pink skulls stitched on, because 2009 was terrible.
In the back, Mel is trying to find the most ominous hairbrush possible, when suddenly she’s attacked from behind. There’s a brief scuffle, then silence. A couple minutes later, another person sneaks over and kicks her a few times.
Mel, the Other Assistant Manager (The Hayes Code) has died. She was a SEARSONAUT (VANILLA TOWN).
“This is only $98.53,” says Wanda, counting up your purchases. “Did you hear something?”
You stand there with the other Sears employees until someone buys a pack of sandpaper for $1.50. At last, you can go home, completely broke.
“Hold up,” says Bridgette, emerging from the back. “I have paychecks for those of you who didn’t set up direct deposit.” Each of the Searsonauts receives a check for $270. “Have a good evening.”
You eventually find a check-cashing place in the same strip mall as a Cuban restaurant and a Little Caesars. You celebrate with cheap pizza, and pour out a slushie for the ones you’ve lost.
When you get back the next morning, the sky is cloudy, the lizards pensive, and the mood serious. Bridgette calls you into her office, an unfinished drywall box at the end of the human resources corridor. Rick is there, and he doesn’t look happy, either.
“You may have heard Sears is going out of business,” says Bridgette. She actually opens with that. “It’s untrue. But we need a strong sales force to survive. We hired 19 of you. Where are the other 12?”
You look at each other. “Has the H1N1 flu outbreak happened yet?” asks Howard Possum.
She cocks an eyebrow. “Yes?”
“Cool, they came down with that.”
There’s a long pause. You can tell she’s not buying it but is too tired to pursue the argument. Rick steps in.
“Corporate is coming to visit in a day or two,” he says. “We need to prove to them that the Lunapool Sears is the strongest it’s ever been, or they’ll shut us down.”
At lunch, you all go out and walk the mall for the first time in awhile. It’s full of weird, tacky stores – the M&M Store, the Thomas Kinkade Store, an Old Navy, a Hot Topic, two Annie’s Pretzel stands, three Sunglass Huts. The Great Recession hangs over this place like a cloud.
“All of these brands will be lost in time,” says E-Dog, softly. “Like Sears in rain.”
You buy a shitty Thomas Kinkade print and head back to work.
- Sic Humor – Mr. Burns
Lindsay– VANILLA TOWN
- Hohodor – Howard Possum
- Jake – Madison
- D. Goat
PearlSheltie – Ernest Cline– VANILLA TOWN
- E-Dog – Shift Lead E-Dog
Elliot Thomas – Roy McAvoy– VANILLA TOWN Owen – Stephen Sebald, Appliance Tester– 1st INVESTIGATOR BannerThief– WOLF ROLEBLOCKER
Jon Hamm’s John Ham– VANILLA TOWN April Ludgate-Karate-Dwyer – Face– VANILLA TOWN Subsaharan– VANILLA TOWN Hayes – Mel, the OTHER assistant manager– VANILLA TOWN Dr. Nick – Big Jim uh, Balloon Boy– VANILLA TOWN
- Mac Crocodile
Spiny Creature – Bea Santello– JAILER Wood Sword – Barney– VANILLA TOWN Colonel Mustard – Madysen– VANILLA TOWN
- Platypus Basileus – Reaganomics Lamborghini
143 vanilla town (Searsonauts) 1 town-aligned jailer (Janitor)
- 1 town-aligned detective (Manager on Duty)
- 2 vanilla wolves (JC Penney Spies)
1 wolf roleblocker (Dr. Robin Þicc)
- 1 serial killer (Unsatisfied Customer)
- The investigator role (MOD) will always be backfilled from the vanilla town population. If there are no more vanilla town members left, the role will be left empty.
- The jailer cannot jail themselves, or the same person two days in a row.
- JC Penney forces (wolves) will show up as JC PENNEY on the investigator’s Sears Network Controller. All others come up SEARS.
- The wolves win when they are equal to the number of town-aligned players left.
- Town wins when all the wolves and the serial killer are defeated.
- Serial killer wins when it comes down to just them and one other person.
- A three-way standoff between the last town, last wolf and SK will result in a special ending.
- A tie at the end of day results in No Lynch. A majority of living players voting for any one person (or No Lynch) ends the day early.
- No editing posts.
- No quoting or screencapping from your QTs.
- If you have any other questions about rules, please ask in QT, and I will answer publicly here.
DAY ENDS: 5 p.m. Eastern Friday (countdown)
Today is (potentially) lynch or lose.