Werewolves 64: Sears – Day 5

Stephen Sebald and Bea Santello stand in the backyard of the shack, watching the setting sun play off the faded paint of the Sears truck. Around them, a circle of anoles has formed, waiting patiently.

“Do you think it’ll hurt?” asks Sebald.

Bea removes her cigarette and knocks some ash off it thoughtfully. “Yes.”

As the sun dips below the horizon, three figures emerge from the tangle of vines at the back of the yard. Bea drops her cigarette on the concrete slab the truck is parked on, and grinds it out under her heel.

“It’s a shame we couldn’t save each other. But maybe we can save Sears.”

Two of the figures come for Owen, and in his final moments he sees their faces. “Sears forever,” he whispers as they strangle him with a JC Penney lanyard.

Stephen Sebald (Owen) has died. He was the 1st INVESTIGATOR. The Sears Network Controller has been randomly reassigned to another vanilla townie. Check your QTs.

The third figure approaches Bea. “Just let me return the socket set!”

“If it’s used, you can’t return it,” says Bea. “Company policy.” As the unsatisfied customer lunges for her, she thinks that at least she won’t have to go back to Possum Springs and endure another Harfest.

Bea Santello (Spinycreature) has died. She was the JAILER.

The truck is low on fuel, so on the way out of town the next morning, you stop at a place called Saturn Gas.

“Is $2.60 per gallon a lot?” asks Montgomery Burns, squeezing the pump handle in both hands. “Perhaps we could talk them down.”

You take what little cash you have left out of the glove box and head inside. Saturn Gas, it turns out, is amazing. They have everything you could want, from grape-flavored White Owl cigars to 24-packs of Budweiser that have been cut in half to make 12-packs. The open sides are covered with cling film. In the back of the store is a photocopier that looks like it survived a house fire. They sell Tahitian Treat!

You take your purchases to the counter, which is staffed by two Bangladeshi men. They have a kind of Abbot and Costello thing going, where the tall, serious one is stocking the shelves, and the shorter, friendly one is taking a dry rip out of a plastic bong with Mudflap Girl painted on the side of it. He puts the bong back under the counter and manually punches the cost of your purchases into the register without looking at anything, because he has the prices memorized.

“That was the coolest gas station I’ve ever been to,” says Mac, solemnly. “If we make it back to 2018, we need to see if this place is still here.”

You pile back into the truck and head to Sears. “Doctor, My Eyes” comes on the classic rock station, and you all sing along.


  1. Sic Humor – Mr. Burns
  2. Lindsay – VANILLA TOWN
  3. Hohodor – Howard Possum
  4. Jake – Madison
  5. D. Goat
  6. PearlSheltie – Ernest Cline – VANILLA TOWN
  7. E-Dog – Shift Lead E-Dog
  8. Elliot Thomas – Roy McAvoy – VANILLA TOWN
  9. Owen – Stephen Sebald, Appliance Tester – 1st INVESTIGATOR
  10. BannerThief
  11. Jon Hamm’s John Ham – VANILLA TOWN
  12. April Ludgate-Karate-Dwyer – Face
  13. Subsaharan – VANILLA TOWN
  14. Hayes – Mel, the OTHER assistant manager
  15. Dr. Nick – Big Jim uh, Balloon Boy – VANILLA TOWN
  16. Mac Crocodile
  17. Spiny Creature – Bea Santello – JAILER
  18. Wood Sword – Barney – VANILLA TOWN
  19. Colonel Mustard – Madysen – VANILLA TOWN
  20. Platypus Basileus – Reaganomics Lamborghini


  • 14 5 vanilla town (Searsonauts)
  • 1 town-aligned jailer (Janitor)
  • 1 town-aligned detective (Manager on Duty)
  • 2 vanilla wolves (JC Penney Spies)
  • 1 wolf roleblocker (Dr. Robin Þicc)
  • 1 serial killer (Unsatisfied Customer)


  • The investigator role (MOD) will always be backfilled from the vanilla town population. If there are no more vanilla town members left, the role will be left empty.
  • The jailer cannot jail themselves, or the same person two days in a row.
  • JC Penney forces (wolves) will show up as JC PENNEY on the investigator’s Sears Network Controller. All others come up SEARS.
  • The wolves win when they are equal to the number of town-aligned players left.
  • Town wins when all the wolves and the serial killer are defeated.
  • Serial killer wins when it comes down to just them and one other person.
  • A three-way standoff between the last town, last wolf and SK will result in a special ending.
  • A tie at the end of day results in No Lynch. A majority of living players voting for any one person (or No Lynch) ends the day early.
  • No editing posts.
  • No quoting or screencapping from your QTs.
  • If you have any other questions about rules, please ask in QT, and I will answer publicly here.

DAY ENDS: 11 p.m. Eastern Wednesday (countdown)