Good morning everyone, and Happy Friday!
What a rollercoaster of a week it’s been, huh? We’ve seen cell numbers get stolen, we’ve seen villain Trump imprisoning kids, then hero Trump rescuing them from Evil Trump’s cold, tiny fingers. We’ve seen the true depths of GOP tone deafness by way of terrible jacketwear optics.
Look, I don’t know if this gets better. Maybe Trump annoints himself dictator. Maybe he self-McSquirrels on the crapper when his third Big Mac glorps its way through his heart valves. Maybe we won’t find out until Season 2 of Easy D’s of our Lives.
I was going to quit politics like 2 days ago, but I think I would rather ride it out until we capsize, hit a rock, or mutiny.
Do not threaten Mayor McSquirrel. Do not reveal the cell phone number of the Duke of Doxx.