Muppet Casting: Indiana Jones

It’s time for another round of Muppet Casting, where we take a famous movie and ask, if Jim Henson’s Muppets made their own version of it (in the vein of The Muppet Christmas Carol and Muppet Treasure Island), which Muppets would you cast in the lead roles?

This week, it’s the Indiana Jones movies, from Raiders of the Lost Ark to Kingdom of the Crystal Skull!

 

Kermit the Frog as Indiana Jones – Kermit would lean more into the flustered professor side of Indy than the rough-and-tumble adventurer side, but playing up that dichotomy more could make for an interesting take on the character.

Miss Piggy as Marion Ravenwood – Indy’s One-True-Love, who’s very beautiful but also tough-as-nails and able to kick some ass? There’s no other character Miss Piggy could be.

Constantine as Rene Belloq – To play up that whole evil-version-of-the-hero thing.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew as Professor Marcus Brody – You need someone who can believably be an intelligent academic, but also scatterbrained enough to “get lost in his own museum”. The perennially unobservant Bunsen should be able to pull that off nicely.

Rowlf the Dog as Sallah el-Kahir – A friend of Indy’s who’s pretty unreservedly helpful and friendly and doesn’t get phased by much. Seems like a great part for Rowlf.

Miss Piggy as Willie Scott – A song-and-dance diva who has a swift temper and is prone to complaining, but has some powerful, bickering-filled sexual tension with Indy/Kermit? There’s no other character Miss Piggy could be.

Pepe the Prawn as Short Round – I considered Robin for this role, but I don’t think he could pull off Short Round’s attitude. I went with Pepe, ‘cause he’s the Muppet I can most easily imagine shouting, “No time for love, Dr. Jones!”

Gonzo the Great as Mola Ram – “And now I, the Great Gonzo, will pull this man’s heart out of his chest!” “Wait, won’t that kill me?” “Well, it’s supposed to, but I’ll be honest, I haven’t gotten that part to work yet. Don’t worry, if all else fails, we’ll lower you into the lava pit!”

Fozzie Bear as Henry Jones, Sr. – I often find myself casting Fozzie in the role of elderly characters. His particular brand of unobservant stupidity lines up with a lot of old people jokes. Not that Henry Jones, Sr. is an idiot, far from it, but he is very clearly out of his element doing all this adventurer stuff. Plus, Kermit and Fozzie have to have a close partnership at some point in these movies.

Bobo the Bear as Walter Donovan – I figure you need a Muppet with a bit of an edge to him to play Donovan, but not one as theatrically sinister as Uncle Deadly, since Donovan’s more a banality-of-evil sorta guy.

Miss Piggy as Elsa Schneider – A beautiful woman who means well and gains some affection from Kermit/Indy, but isn’t really someone you can trust when an incredible treasure is at stake? There’s no other character Miss Piggy could be.

Statler & Waldorf as The Grail Knights – “He chose . . . poorly.” “Yeah, just one sip, and he’s written out of the movie.” (beat) “You think there’s any left?”

Rizzo the Rat as Mutt Williams – Rizzo and Mutt both have a sort of antiquated tough guy way of talking, though can panic when the hard core danger turns up.

Janice as Colonel Doctor Irina Spalko – Col./Dr. Spalko is all about researching psychic powers. If filtered through Janice’s hippy-dippy personality, she could go from being cold and terrifying to hilariously New Agey.

 

Those are my picks for a Muppet rendition of the Indiana Jones movies. What are yours?