Hey there, and welcome to your Savage Lovecast recap and review for the week of February 27. This week I want to hear about your sexy lifehacks. Got a good tip on a little thing that makes a big difference for you? Is there a household product that works well for your kinky play? Let’s hear it.
You can listen to the episode here.
Dan’s opening rant is about the ongoing NRA boycott and response to the Parkland shootings. Dan points out how incredible it is that the survivors in Parkland do not have the learned helplessness in the face of that massacre that the rest of us developed. Dan encourages everyone to keep up the momentum by becoming a dues-paying member of Everytown and participating in the March for our Lives.
On to the calls! A mid-20s straight woman is a virgin, not for religious reasons. She needs a strong emotional connection with someone before she’s comfortable becoming intimate. Should she tell the guys she dates? Dan points out that there isn’t really a V-card as we traditionally think of it – there are several cards in a V-deck. Our caller hasn’t done or had oral or PIV yet, but she’s rolled around with guys and masturbated on her own. Dan suggests that she be honest about her virgin status, be up front about her needs and desires, and realize that she might not toss off the rest of the cards in the deck for a while. Don’t prize your virginity so tightly, though, that you regret losing it to a relationship that does not end in marriage.
A 23-year-old man in Buffalo has been seeing a girl he met on Craigslist for a while. Due to school things, she will have to move back to New York soon. He has no money. Should he follow her? Dan says, Why not? Unless the only reason this guy wants to go is to prevent other guys from looking at her, which it sounds like might be a consideration for this guy.
A guy’s boyfriend doesn’t like to brush his teeth. Our caller will even throw the toothpaste at him if he neglects to do it until after breakfast, as he is known to do. Dan would usually be on the caller’s side in a situation like this. But this is not a neglecting hygiene issue, it’s a timing issue. Dan tells the caller to back off. For the record, I am also a brush and floss after breakfast person.
A female college student likes dating older men, and she has a problem with her university’s strict ban on undergrad-faculty relationships. She supports a ban where there’s a possibility of a power imbalance or coercion, but a blanket ban goes too far for her. It seems like she’s alone in disapproving of the blanket ban. Is she wrong? Dan thinks, in general, consenting adults should be free to consent to what they want, but he’s not in charge of institutions of higher learning. Dan points out that colleges don’t have a monopoly on older guys, and nothing is stopping our caller from dating professors from another college.
A 31-year-old gay man and his 28-year-old gay brother both came out to their parents about a decade ago. Their parents refused to accept them. Our caller got married last year, and the parents refused the invitation. Our caller’s heart was broken when their 20-year-old sister also refused to come to the wedding. Our caller wants to cut off the parents, but should he go to the sister’s wedding which is coming up? And should he talk to her about what her anticipated invite for one would mean? Dan says it would be nice if the brothers could present a unified front on this. Either way, the caller gets to make a choice. If the invite for one comes, Dan would not go to the wedding. Your family does not get to tear your new family apart.
A man’s wife told him to get an escort while he was on a business trip in another city, but now she says he shouldn’t have. She hops on to finish the tale. She was completely uninformed about how much an escort costs nowadays, and she’s getting salty about it. Should he have informed her that this escort visit was going to cost $400 for an hour? Dan says the husband was wrong if he knew of the cost and that the cost would cause the wife to object. If it was a misunderstanding somewhere along the line, the husband is blameless here.
Do straight men watch transgender porn? A woman wants to know this about her apparently straight boyfriend. Dan calls back and schools the caller: porn featuring trans women, some of whom still have penises, is for straight guys, not gay guys. Dan then asks the caller his ultimate straight/bi or gay question: Does he eat your pussy? A giggle and a “yes, totally” from our caller and we have our answer. Dan asserts that some straight guys like dick, for whatever reason, even if just for looking. While he’s on the phone, the caller’s female friend hops on and asks a question. She had a kid with a guy who at the time was very straight. That guy is totally not into women now and does drag shows and sometimes dresses as a girl. She can’t say for sure what the guy’s deal is because they don’t talk anymore. Dan lists some of the possibilities of what could be going on, but feels bad for the kid that both of her parents aren’t in her life. The friend is using her example to counsel the caller to not be as secure in the boyfriend’s straightness as Dan thinks. Dan thinks that the original caller should have a conversation with her boyfriend to see if his attraction to trans women should be something that is carved into their relationship agreement.
A straight man is wondering if he’s a homophobe. A gym on the border of the city’s gayborhood (50/50 gay/straight clientele) features open handjobs and erections in the men’s hot tub. Is he a homophobe for contemplating complaining to management? Dan knows gay men who have complained about this very thing – the hot tub and sauna are not sex places. On the other hand, that’s what makes having sex there so transgressive. It’s not strictly homophobic to ask the gym to enforce the rules they have in place.
A straight woman’s husband is into pee play. Last night, during sex, he wanted to expand into scat play, using it as lube for himself. How can she do it safely and cleanly? Dan has always regarded scat play as outside the bounds of GGG. There’s really no way to make it safe.
A woman was at a Super Bowl where she heard a lot of transphobic language from her boyfriend’s best friend. Our caller is shy and didn’t want to confront the guy. What should she do? Dan thinks she should have spoken up. You wouldn’t deal with a racist screaming racist things, right?
A woman had a one-night stand with a guy. Her stated rule: use condoms. The condom she had didn’t fit him, so she suggested they masturbate together. He started to pull her on top of him. When she said no, because there was no condom, he claimed he forgot that he didn’t have one on. Nothing happened and he left. Is she right to ignore him the next day? Dan says that she has no obligation to ever speak to him again even if they had amazing sex. She could also tell him exactly why she’s never going to see him again.
Robby Soave from reason.com is on to talk about sexual freedom. Reason, for those who don’t know, is a libertarian website partially funded by the Kochs. Dan’s and libertarians’ commitment to sexual freedom in all forms might be one of the only commonalities they share. Soave advised parents last week whose teenage son was caught with a naked photo of a girl on his phone and who was threatened with possession of child pornography. That advice: lawyer up before talking with any police officer, even an officer in a school. Soave tells of a 17-year-old he reported on who was charged with possession of child porn and contributing to the delinquency of a minor for having, and not sharing, a consensual photo of his long-time girlfriend. Dan compares these anti-sexting laws to laws criminalizing marijuana possession, which, while maybe true, is also the most Dan sentence I could have written.
A 24-year-old woman has been faced with a scourge of guys just talking about themselves on dates. How should she approach this? Dan says it’s not just straight guys who do this – gay guys do it too. His advice: stop playing along. Make it a fun game and time the guy to see how long he can go without any sign of a response from you. If he’s talking just because he’s nervous, then he will recognize this and apologize and you can more forward from there.
A 25-year-old woman’s parents split up. Our caller has always suspected her dad was gay or bi, and now that he’s separated, he seems to be exploring a bit (he’s showing an interest in watching Drag Race, for example). How can she and her family show their support while not outing him? For a case like this, where the father might reasonably conclude that his family has an investment in his straightness, he might not feel free to come out. Dan advises going up to dad and saying explicitly that if dad is gay, she loves and supports him, and if it turns out he’s just an interesting straight guy who’s into Drag Race, she loves and supports him then too.
Caller feedback! The boyfriend with the good friend boss has more than a workspouse, but a boss with boundary issues. Take a road trip with your boyfriend to break in that garter belt – if you’re driving, he can’t touch you but he’ll get wound up. Parents, stop being so afraid of sex-shaming that you fail to protect your child.
Thanks for reading.