Game Thread: “Help Secure the Children” with Your Favorite Lunatic Heroes

I don’t think it’s exactly an exaggeration to say in the tragic aftermath of the shooting in Parkland, Florida, the collective American political debate over gun ownership, gun control, and personal and social safety are, if not more extreme and strained than they’ve been in a long time, at least near that mark. The White House, alongside the gun lobby and various hardline gun enthusiasts, have begun threatening American schools with the insane suggestion of forcibly arming teachers with weapons, or having police guards constantly walking the schools’ halls. Even the President’s ostensibly comforting, measured words have included the following statement: “I believe I’d run in there if I had a weapon,”

This is, to put it mildly, fucking terrifying, with images of police states conflicting with images of even more, and more devastating, mass shootings in my country. But FEAR NOT, dear reader! One loyal, red-blooded citizen has come forward to show his due diligence and protect America’s children:

Well, the Politics Thread being what it is, we pretty damn quickly made a game out of it. To the point where it’s kind of overriding the actual Politics Thread, which already had to stop the constant posting of that Trump statement. So, here are the rules:

  1. Embed or upload an image of your favorite, most surely protector of (most likely American) schoolchildren
  2. Include alongside that image a quote of the following paragraph:

I PLEDGE TO WORK FOR FREE for any school to help secure the children. I am a retired veteran, 29 years of service, Infantry Sergeant Major, U.S. Army Ranger with combat experience. I have a conceal carry, Primary and Alternate side arms, an AR-15, and all necessary tactical gear.

And, um..have fun! Thanks to our various Politics Thread commenters who decided to get going with this.