Werewolf 48: Heart of Darkness PPV – Day 5

The WBDL team finishes setting up the mat and lights just as the sun goes down. The SRCW wrestlers go into a huddle, and choose their champions.

“I have seen the future,” says The Future. “Flying cars! Fax machines! And your sorry selves losing BIG TIME.”

“Jist like my pappy used to say,” says Jumpin’ Jimmy, wrapping gauze around his wrists and forehead. “Skate fast, eat ass.”

Wendy stabs a Tab open with a ballpoint pen and drains the can. “Let’s do this,” she says, throwing the can over her shoulder.

Gnarly Carl steps through the ropes, and Q. Steve passes him a microphone with the WDBL logo on it. “I MEAN NO DISRESPECT TO MY OPPONENTS,” he says, distortion blowing out his words on the monitors, “BUT Y’ALL SUCK. THAT’S MY TAKE.”

The Future joins him in the ring, standing nose to nose. Jumpin’ Jimmy gets hung up in the ropes for a bit, and the others wait while he makes his way inside. It’s pretty great.


“Who’s our referee?” says Wendy.

“Tell you what,” says Q. Steve, sliding smoothly between the ropes to take his place. “You do it. If you think your boys win fair and square, then that’s the way it is.”

Wendy looks nervously at the cameras. “Okay,” she says. “Uh. Uh, start, um, hitting each other. Yeah.”

The four opponents look at her, then at each other, and shrug.

The Future moves first, going for a classic Three Stooges eyepoke on Gnarly Carl, who counters with a brutal arm wringer. The Future hits the canvas and blinks. “Wait, what?”

Jumpin’ Jimmy lines up his signature move, the Cracked Corn. Wobbling on the first rope, he executes a flawless elbow drop on Carl’s exposed back, then bounces right off.

“AH GOT IM,” yells Jimmy, moments before Q. Steve Dougson grabs him and pulls him down in a sitout full nelson atomic drop.

“I’ll save you!” yells The Future, lunging for Q. Steve. But Q. Steve steps aside, and the Future goes right over the ropes, yelling “I knew iiiiiiit” as he tumbles over the side of the boat.

Gnarly Carl turns on Jimmy, who is making an elaborate show of dusting himself off.

“Now fellas,” says Jimmy, “let’s be reasonable about this-”

“LET ME EMPAIN YOU,” yells Carl.

“Wait,” says Jimmy, who is then tombstoned so hard that half of his twiggy frame goes through the mat. His legs kick helplessly.

“What do you think, Ms. Hovnatanian?” says Q. Steve Dougson, crossing his arms and cocking an eyebrow. “Are you winning?”

Wendy flushes. “I think-”

The Future suddenly bursts out of the door to the top deck. “I didn’t hit the water!” he pants, as the camera operators swivel to face him. “I’m still in! I think I dislocated my arm grabbing that handrail on the way down, but I’m still in!”

“Yes!” says Wendy, as The Future lunges over the top rope. He catches Carl by complete surprise, bowling him over and briefly pinning him. Wendy manages to yell “One!” before Q. Steve pries him loose.

“I don’t think you can really see the future!” he yells.

“I can too,” stammers The Future, before Q. Steve headbutts him. The crowd, and even some of the cameramen, gasp. Q. Steve learned how to headbutt as a way to break up fights in a German prison camp in 1917, and then perfected it as a way to start fights in a German prison camp in 1944. His forehead visits the nightmares of men on six continents, and The Future is no match. He crumples, and Gnarly Carl easily throws him over the side. Wendy covers her mouth with both hands.

I think-” says Q. Steve, but then Jumpin’ Jimmy pops free.

“I FOUND A NICKEL!” he yells, holding the coin high. Carl nails him with a tackle, honed to an art during five years of high school football. He catches Jimmy so cleanly that he actually shoves him out from under the coin, which spins for a second in the air, sparkling in the floodlights. Jimmy goes over the ropes, bounces off the boat’s railings, and then disappears, flailing, in the darkness.

Draaaaat,” you hear him say, before being cut off by a splash.

“As I was saying,” says Q. Steve, perspiring a little. “I think we win.”

The Future (Lockeout) and Jumpin’ Jimmy (E-Dog) have been eliminated. They were both TOWN.

Wendy hangs her head, and walks away. Gnarly Carl and Q. Steve cut a few promos, then pack up their kit and get back in the helicopter, disappearing into the dawn sky. The rest of you sit around, dumbstruck, watching the TV monitors.

“That hurt,” Jumpin’ Jimmy confides to Nicki in the green room.

“Yes,” says The Future, holding a bag of peas to his face.


  1. E-Dog – TOWN
  3. Smapti
  4. Pearl Sheltie – TOWN
  5. Capt. Lindsay Funke – JAILKEEPER
  6. Mello Yello Enthusiast
  7. Dr. Nick – WOLF
  8. Flubba Gunto
  9. Milkproof Robot
  10. BannerThief
  11. Library Lass – TV HOST
  12. Spookyfriend
  13. Owen1120 – DETECTIVE
  14. Zecko – SERIAL KILLER
  15. Grumproro
  16. Ralph Waldo Wiggum
  17. Subsaharan
  18. Lockeout – TOWN
  19. MacCrocodile/Forget It Jake (tag team) – TOWN
  20. Spiny Creature – WOLF


12 7 wrestlers (vanilla town)

4 2 traitors (wolves)

1 rogue wrestler (serial killer)

1 booker (detective, town aligned)

1 TV camera operator (jailer, town aligned)

1 TV host (custom role – flip-flops alignments)

Day 5 ends Saturday at 3 p.m. EST (countdown)