I wrote these rewatches on the old site a few years ago, and now I’m posting them here. These recaps naturally contain spoilers.

Episode title: The Wolf and the Lion

Director: Brian Kirk

Written by: David Benioff & D.B. Weiss

Summary: Instead of heading to Winterfell, Lady Catelyn Stark heads through the Mountains of the Moon to get to the Vale, with her prisoner Tyrion. They are attacked by the mountain tribes and Tyrion saves Catelyn’s life. When they arrive at the Eyrie, Catelyn finds that her sister is mad and her eight-year-old nephew, Robin is still being nursed by his mother. Tyrion is placed in the Eyrie’s dungeon, the “sky cells” which has no fourth wall, opening to a sheer drop down the mountainside.

At Winterfell, Theon Greyjoy has a session with prostitute Ros, who taunts him that Tyrion is a better lover and his family is richer. Ned convinces King Robert not to join the Tourney, and they watch a jousting match between Ser Gregor Clegane and Ser Loras Tyrell, “The Knight of Flowers.” When Loras wins by a trick, Gregor beheads his horse and attacks Loras. The Hound comes to Loras’s rescue and Robert orders them to stop.

Arya chases a cat through the Red Keep, and stumbles upon a secret conversation between Varys and Illyrio who suggest killing the new Hand might give them some time. Arya tries to warn her father, but doesn’t know who was speaking. Yoren arrives informs Ned of his wife’s abduction of Tyrion. The Small Council learns of Dany’s pregnancy thanks to Varys’s spy, Ser Jorah Mormont. Robert orders that she and her unborn child be killed. Ned refuses and resigns the office of Hand of the King.

Littlefinger takes him to the last person Jon Arryn spoke to before his death, a prostitute named Mhaegan, who has borne another one of Robert’s illegitimate children. Ned is ambushed by Jaime Lannister, upset over Tyrion’s arrest. During the fight, all of Ned’s guards are killed including Jory, and Ned is stabbed through the leg by a spear.

My take: This episode had two “Holy shit!” moments. The first was the decapitation of a horse. Even though I had read that moment in the book, I was stunned by seeing an animal mutilated on TV (of course, it was special effects, but still). The second is Jory being stabbed through the eye, which was a little more gory than I expected. The fight between the Clegane brothers is pretty thrilling. We also get a bit of fun scene chewing between Varys and Littlefinger as well as one between Robert and Cersei.

Changes from the books: The sex scene with Theon and Ros was added, as well as the scene between Bran and Maester Luwin. Robert’s bastard daughter Mya Stone, who leads Catelyn up to the Aerie is not shown in the series. Robin Arryn is named Robert in the books. Ned doesn’t fight Jamie, but is injured when his horse falls on him

Nudity: Both Ros and Theon display full frontal nudity, marking one of the few times the show features dong. Lysa’s breast on display was no doubt a false one due to the shot of Robin suckling it. Renly’s ass while receiving a blowjob. A topless prostitute in Littlefinger’s brothel.

Locations on the Map: King’s Landing, the Eyrie, Winterfell, the Wall, Vaes Dothrak

Death count: I counted eight bodies after the Lannister’s attack Ned’s men, including Jory Cassel, stabbed in the eye by Jamie Lannister. Several tribesmen, including four by Bronn and one by Tyrion

Quotes: “Tell me- does someone, somewhere, keep your balls in a little box? I’ve often wondered.” -Littlefinger

Robert Baratheon: Which is the bigger number: Five or one? Cersei Lannister: Five. Robert Baratheon: [holding up his fingers] Five. [holding up a fist] One. One army– a real army united behind one leader with one purpose.

“Give me a few good men and some climbing spikes. I’ll impregnate the bitch.”- Bronn

 

Episode title: A Golden Crown

Director: Daniel Minahan

Written by: David Benioff & D.B. Weiss, and Jane Espenson

Summary: Bran Stark has another dream of the three-eyed crow. He goes for a ride with his new saddle with Robb and Theon. They are attacked by a small group of wildlings. They kill all the men and capture the woman Osha.

Tyrion demands a trial by combat, and the mercenary Bronn volunteers to fight for him. Bronn defeats Lysa’s champion Ser Vardis Egen by tiring the heavily armored knight and sending him through the Moon Door. They are forced to let him go.

Ned wakes up with Robert and Cersei at his side. She accuses Ned of kidnapping Tyrion, but she is silenced by a punch from Robert. Robert insists that Ned remain the Hand of the King, and be regent while Robert is away on a hunting trip. Ned learns that The Mountain has been attacking villages in the Riverlands asrevenge for Tyrion’s arrest. Ned orders Ser Beric Dondarrion to arrest him. He orders Arya and Sansa to return to Winterfell for their safety. Sansa protests and mentions Joffrey’s blond hair. Ned realizes that Joffrey does not have black hair like his father.

Dany completes a Dothraki ritual where she has to eat a stallion’s heart. Viserys grows jealous of her popularity and attempts to steal the dragon eggs. He is stopped by Jorah. Later, at a feast, a drunken Viserys draws his sword on his sister, threatening that if the Khal does not give him an army to take back the Seven Kingdoms, he will take back Daenerys and cut out her child. Drogo melts his belt in a stewpot and pours the molton gold on Viserys’ head, killing him.

My take: Isn’t it a bit weird to see Tonks in Winterfell? Bronn’s fight with Ser Vardis is great, and Bronn is a great character. Sansa starts to become a real bitch when she’s with the Septa. Viserys was a great character and it’s a shame he didn’t last longer, but there was little left for him to do, and it’s the first major death in the series.

Changes from the books: In the books, there are six wildings that attack Bran, not four. The scene on the hunt was added for the show. The duel takes place in a garden and Ser Vardis is stabbed several times, whereas in the series he is stabbed and falls through the Moon Door. In the book, the Moon Door is simply a door that leads outside rather than a trap door in the floor.

Nudity: Ros flashes her crotch at Theon on the way out of Winterfell. Topless dancing Dothraki girls

Locations on the Map: King’s Landing, the Eyrie, Winterfell, the Wall, Vaes Dothraki

Death count: Viserys Targaryen scalded with molten gold by Khal Drogo. Ser Vardis Egen stabbed in a duel with Bronn then fell through the Moon Door. Stiv the Wilding shot with a arrow by Theon and two other wildings killed by Robb.

Quotes: Lysa Arryn: You do not fight with honor!

Bronn: No. He did.

“He was no dragon. Fire cannot kill a dragon.”- Dany