You are now entering Ad Space, a realm of commercials, brought before us so we might examine how they work, and discuss why we both love and hate them so. So it is written …

Oof! This one is bad, y’all.

Normally here on Ad Space, I place the ad itself early on in the post, with my thoughts on it coming after. But this ad … I figure I better talk about it first, then you can decide whether to subject yourselves to it.

What makes it such a trainwreck? Well, for starters, this mothereffer is over seven minutes long. I know for a lot of you, that alone is enough to make you nope right out. But there’s more!

See, this ad is very, very obviously AI generated. The header image probably gave that away – it’s got that uncanny, overly glossy animation that lets you know straight off that no human had a hand in drawing this. For many of you, that is also an automatic “Nope”.

And I’d wager pretty good odds the script and narration were done with AI, too, ’cause it’s hard to imagine a human being thinking this was a good idea, unless maybe they were the same folks who redubbed Jack the Giant Killer as a musical.

For you see, this whole ad is narrated by a guy talk-singing to music. None of the narration actually rhymes, or seems to have been designed for rhythmic delivery at all, but, Lord, does that not stop them from trying. The bizarre timing and use of emphasis in this “song” would be enough to make William Shatner go, “Tone it down, man!”

So, purely from a production standpoint, there’s a lot to dislike here. But what sets this one apart from all the other bad ads out there is the story it has to tell.

Because it is structured like a story – specifically, an origin story for this nutritional supplement. It begins with a guy getting a gardening job at the estate of a “Jewish billionaire” family. And this gardener can’t help but notice the family is full of old people, past the age of 100, who are all in perfect health, and have the strength and vitality of someone a third their age. Eventually, our hero seduces the beautiful young wife of one of the billionheirs, and from this sexual conquest learns the family secret:

Deep beneath their home, there’s a dark, hidden room where they store a secret, all-natural ingredient. One that, if taken daily, will lower blood pressure, cure diabetes, blast the cholesterol out of your arteries, and give you perpetual health, energy, vitality, and increased sexual prowess.

So, yes, the story of this ad is that those dastardly Jews have the key to eternal youth, hidden away in their mansion, and they want to keep it for themselves, not sharing it with any of you. But our gentile, working-class, all-American hero ain’t standing for that! Dude steals the Jews’ secret and their woman, and is now offering it to you at a reasonable price (the secret, not the woman, though with this ad, I wouldn’t even be surprised if it had gone that way).

I mean … Jeez Louise! If you’re going to have AI make your ad, could you at least use one that hasn’t been trained on antisemitic conspiracy theories?

This is easily one of the worst ads I’ve covered here on Ad Space. And that’s with me giving it the benefit of the doubt and assuming it’s an exaggerated depiction of a product that does genuinely work. But if, like many other supposed wonder drugs, it’s actually pure snake oil … well, that’d be one more sin to add to the pile.

The only Ad Space entries that come even close to this level of badness are the ads for Love’s Baby Soft and that Slavic women dating site. And now I just rewatched both those ads, plus this one again, back-to-back … and I’ve made myself so very sad.

So, I’ve given you the rundown, given you all fair warning. If you still want to experience this monstrosity for yourself … here it is.