Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within opened 25 years ago this weekend (more specifically, its anniversary was technically yesterday, but hey, no one cares about this movie enough to be mad about me getting the date wrong, right? Right?). It was certainly a film. Things happened, as they often do in films. And…look, I’m not going to even try to explain the plot of this thing, and I own the two-disc DVD and I have seen it multiple times! It’s one of those “the story kind of sort of not really makes sense when I’m watching it” kind of flicks. You know what I mean.

I remember having the teaser for this before Pokémon 3: The Movie, and thinking “damn, that looks pretty cool!” (actually, given how little I swore at the tender age of…13, I probably thought “darn, that looks pretty nifty!”). Also, I’m not sure why a preview for Final Fantasy: Stallion of the Cimarron was shown before Pokémon 3: The Movie anyway, but I digress. The point is it looked cool. For whatever reason, the way the dude said “where are we?” at the end of it really struck me as chilling, although Aki Ross’s nonchalant “I’m not sure” response which works as the actual stinger is a…kind of weird way to put butts in seats in hindsight.

Oh right. That’s who this header is really about. Aki Freaking Ross. Aki Ross, voiced by Mulan’s Ming-Na Wen, was the big selling point of this film. Bigger than the video game series it was supposedly based on (I mean, it was directed by the creator of the franchise, so I guess that counts for something). Square Pictures was gambling on Aki Ross being the first ever “digital actress” who they could use for multiple “roles” in future summer tentpoles. And not just 2 Final 2 Fantasy: Spirit Inside You. Ross was covered by Entertainment Weekly as “the next it-girl”–and perhaps more provocatively, was named one of Maxim’s 100 Hottest Women of 2001, complete with a bikini “photoshoot.” Yes, folks were gooning to Aki before gooning was even a word. Also, I’m not going to post the picture here since it’s not the night thread, but c’mon, you know how to use Google. I ain’t gonna judge. Go ahead. This header will still be here when you get back.

Alas, Aki Ross’s road to winning a Best Actress Oscar and giving the first-ever digital acceptance speech was quickly brought to a halt when Final Fantasy: Spirit of the Wind would flop harder than a floppy disk. Despite the trailers promising an action-packed thrill ride (complete with characters exclaiming lines like “fire in the hole!”), the final fantasy film is quite…well, sleepy. It’s a sleepy movie. Does that make sense? Like there are some cool moments, but a lot of it feels like dialogue-heavy mumbo jumbo. The writing was kind of on the wall when the big “money shot” of the final trailer was Aki Ross screaming “nooooo!” as she falls…with her eyes shut and her mouth closed.

But you know what? I’d take Aki any day over whatever the hell “Tilly Norwood” is. And it’s not like she never got work again. She was…used in an animation test for The Animatrix, albeit with a haircut. And…her scene wasn’t used in the actual film. But hey, a gig’s a gig. I hope you’re doing well, Aki Ross, wherever you are. Maybe you can show up whenever Disney and Square finally team up on that Kingdom Hearts movie.

Have the power today, y’all!