I’m depressed.

Oh, no, not over Disclosure Day being our number one movie, because why would I be sad over that? No, I’m down since it’s with the greatest reluctance that I have to report that Masters of the Universe is officially a box office disappointment. Is it “one of the biggest flops of all time” as some sources are claiming it is? No, that’s being overly dramatic. But it isn’t doing what anyone involved was counting on. YOU GUYS SHOULD HAVE CALLED THE MOVIE “HE-MAN” AND THEN MORE PEOPLE WOULD BE GOING! There, I got that out of my system. As I said last week, the “silver lining” is that Amazon doesn’t care about these kinds of things nearly as much as other studios do as they view them as expanded streaming advertisements. Still, a second weekend haul of only $8.6 million for what was intended to launch a new theatrical franchise isn’t something to be optimistic over.

The best comparison for Masters of the Universe is 2023’s Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves. Both were based off beloved 80s IPs which, while still popular, have fallen into something resembling a niche. Both were following failed live-action adaptations from decades ago. And both were made with love and care by people who respected the properties while also trying to reach out to a new audience. And both, unfortunately, massively underperformed financially.

Ugh. I am down. Let’s just move on to Disclosure Day, I guess. I’ve heard people gleefully claim “Hollywood has been hijacked by YouTube,” and yet here is Spielberg selling a movie 100% on his name alone (well, that and Emily Blunt making clicking noises). $44 million is nothing to sneeze at for something that’s being described as “a thinking person’s blockbuster”–even if the marketing flat-out lied with money shots of UFOs in the sky which aren’t in the actual movie. Needless to say, this is Spielberg being “divisive” in the same manner as A.I.: The One Where Everyone Freaks Out Over Hayley Joel Osment’s Ability to Draw Humans With Three Arms (I kid, as I actually love that movie, almost as much as I hate TMZ). Next weekend, Toy Story 5 is going to absolutely crush all competition in theaters, but Disclosure Day could still find some healthy legs from so-called “grown-up” moviegoers.

Our other newcomers didn’t make much of a splash. The Furious–a film which Scrat very much wants to see–failed to land any punches despite being in the style of The Raid: Why Was “Redemption” The Subtitle? And Stop That Train!–which doesn’t seem like a real movie but somehow is–was stopped dead in its tracks.

Anyway, the top ten, via The Numbers