Look at that grumpy bear! That’s an original teddy bear, which was held by two of namesake Teddy Roosevelt’s grandchildren, one of whom was named Mark. Which I know is a historical name–they named a gospel that for, uh, Christ’s sake–but it’s just weird to think about old-timey names like Hezekiah and Thaddeus and…Mark. Anyway, this surprisingly kind of grim Stefon sketch of an article about the teddy bear has everything: refusing to do animal cruelty, guys who hate their nicknames, political campaigns, moral panics about turning little girls into proto-childless cat ladies, soldiers, Kermit (not that one), Elvis, …Mark. I say it’s grim, but there’s a whole thing in there about how teddy bears became popular in part because children could play because child labor was declining, so, you know, there’s that. God, no wonder not even the toys smiled back then.

Anyways, be nice to each other today, be nice to the mods, and no threatening Mayor Mark McSquirrel.