An action figure of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles character Tattoo
Music, Open Threads, Other

Night Thread of Vital Statistics: 15 April 2026

Almost as good as the action figures within the box were the bios of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles characters.

The back of the packaging for the action figure of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles character Tattoo, including a gallery of available Ninja Turtles toys, pictures of his "sumo snake burnisher staff" and "terrifying tattoo" stickers that can be applied to the character, plus a brief bio, which can be read below.

Obviously lusting after the toys you didn’t have was great, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t cut out those character cards, ruining their collectible value, and read them over and over, much like the Marvel Universe Cards. Tattoo was one of my favorite figures, because his articulation ruled. Very fun to play with.

Portrait of Tattoo
The Flesh-etched Illustrated Man!
VITAL TATTOOTISTICS:
Accessories: Terrifying Turtle Tattoos, Sumo Snake Burnisher Staff
Birthplace: Skinsville, Japan
Weight: 378.5 lbs. (with tattoos)
Favorite Food: Mussels

Heckled for being humongous, this heavy hero took his fat into his own hands and joined a secret sumo society to defend his honor. There he was branded Tattoo. Henceforth, he decided to engulf his entire body with tattoos to live up to his name. Now that he’s done up his dermis, Tattoo takes his tonnage to the Turtle Teens to help them fight the Foot. Armed with only his massive muscles and skin illustrations, Tattoo beats the baddies with his bare hands. To further fool the foot, Tattoo’s tattoos even come to life. And when he’s not using his scary skin, this inked individual flexes his forearms and funnels his fat to flatten the Foot. What’s more—the green guys really like him, ’cause his tattoos remind them of pizza topping!