Wee Sing is a songbook series created by educators Pamela Coon Beall and Susan Hagan Nipp, who passionately believed in the power of music as a learning tool for children. The books were so successful that they eventually launched into a kind-of-sort-of franchise, albeit on a smaller scale than is often associated with that term. This lead to a series of home videos, which are probably what most people associate the brand with today. And the best known among them was the fifth title released, a Christmas adventure titled The Best Christmas Ever!

Now, I grew up with these tapes. They come from a very specific era for home video. It was still a new medium on a mainstream scale in that VHS tapes were now actually affordable, and really the only format these things ever could’ve been released on. They were too quaint and low budget for television (with the notable exception of King Cole’s Party, which had higher production values, was shot on film instead of video, and was the only one of these which aired on The Disney Channel back in the day). And–I’ll just address the band-aid wearing elephant in the room–these tapes could be unintentionally creepy. Many of them had at least one thing that scared me as a kid. Remember the fucking cookie jar in Grandpa’s Magic Toys? IYKYK. And then there was The Big Rock Candy Mountain, which I couldn’t even watch whenever one of my siblings was playing it because the whole thing frightened me. If a video was capable of looking physically sick, it was fucking Big Rock Candy Mountain.

But they weren’t all that way. There was a period where Magical Musical Mansion was my brother’s favorite video ever and he would watch it every single day, and I don’t recall that one being scary. And the only thing unnerving about Wee Sing in Sillyville was the horrors of coloring book racism (look, there are worse ways to learn about this concept as a child). Which brings us back to The Best Christmas Ever!, which actually didn’t freak me out personally, but a lot of others have expressed…unease over a sequence involving dead-eyed, immobilized, singing bells. And actually, you know what, I take back what I said: these guys are scary as fuck!

But apart from those bells (and some singing angels which others find scary, but eh, I dunno, they’re just singing toy angels, so maybe I’m braver than I give myself credit for), there is nothing really “freaky” about this one. All of the conflict is centered around Gusty the Elf at the North Pole. Gusty is normally Santa’s greatest toy maker, but this year he’s fucking everything up, and the other elves (all five of them) sing about it, because they’re a bunch of lazy assholes. No, really, Gusty is the ONLY elf doing any work as they just dance around, so clearly they are intending to use Gusty as their scapegoat when they inevitably don’t make quota, meaning Gusty will be the one Santa chooses to take to the back of the barn when the time comes.

Not wanting for his friend to be executed by Santa, Poofer the Elf shrinks down into his magical flying snowflake to go get his boss for help, but a snowstorm blows him in the wrong direction, and he ends up in suburban America, as you often do when you’re traveling around the North Pole. There he befriends the most wholesome family on the entire planet, to the point where I’m not entirely certain mom and dad even know where babies come from. I think the concept of sex would break their heads open! Or maybe they have lots of sex, and sing public domain children’s songs as foreplay. Honestly, either would make sense.

But I haven’t even talked about the real star of this video, which is Susie. And…your tolerance of this may depend on your tolerance for Susie. Fucking Susie. Susie is like a Mary Sue–a Mary Susie, if you will–for parents who wish their child was perfect at everything. Constantly Susie will make everyone pause whatever they are doing so she can recite a rhyme in front of them. Then everyone will applaud and be fucking blown away! I’m so glad I don’t have to live with Susie for this reason. Like imagine you’re cooking Christmas dinner, and you’re about to put the turkey in the oven, and then fucking Susie stops you so she can first recite the Free Birds meme, complete with arm gestures. And then you have to pretend to be impressed instead of annoyed. Ugh. It’s a terrible thought.

Eventually, Poofer decides to take this family back to the North Pole to solve their whole Gusty problem, which they would probably resolve immediately if they didn’t take a break every ninety seconds to sing and dance. Finally, the day is saved by an eye doctor elf who says everything twice. Finally, the day is saved by an eye doctor elf who says everything twice. And they celebrate by singing and dancing.

This is a very gentle video (duh!), and one that as an adult you can either laugh with or laugh at (or, in my case, both!). I dare you not to snicker when “Poofer” sounds very much like he’s making another request when he asks “do you mind if I poof?” Or at song lyrics that go “Santa will be coming, soon he will be coming.” Or maybe you won’t laugh at all because you’re not as mature as I am.

But it’s still…well, nice. This video has a good heart, if videos had hearts. It’s genuine. It even implies that one of the kids has a learning disability, which is handled with care and respect, as is another character in a wheelchair. So it’s a nice video. Just one that you can also make a lot of fun of.

Happy Twelfth Night, y’all!