♬ Let’s go where eagles dare
We’ll go where eagles dare ♬1TW for reckless use of the b-word and alternatingly juvenile/puerile horror-erotica

Usually described as a bald eagle (Haliaeetus leucocephalus),2Literally, “white-headed sea eagle.” Sam Eagle self-identifies as “American.” You will spot this imperious raptor, who also uses the stage name “Sam the Eagle,” in every imaginable setting, from Ed Koch-era Manhattan to space and Victorian London.

Researchers know little about Sam’s diet. For instance, no one can confirm whether Sam shares his species’ predilection for dining on stolen fish.3Watch your six, Lew Zealand. Google that if necessary. Quality reference. Big funny. Commentators do agree, however, that an animal who survives by depriving peers of sustenance makes an almost-too-on-the-nose national symbol for the United States of America.

Questions also remain unanswered regarding Sam’s courtship behaviors and mating habits. One intrepid interviewer coaxed Sam into discussing a failed marriage and fathering two semi-estranged eaglets. Currently, Sam sleeps in a series of climate-controlled warehouses with past and potential castmates of all genders and terrestrial, extraterrestrial, and fantasy species.4No judgment. *coughs” venery *clears throat*

While we may never know Sam as well as we would prefer, he propounds a perspicacious profile of Politicados’ personalities and practices:

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Watch this space for the return of proper Aves appreciation posts next week. Uvular thanks you for once more indulging his nonsense.