How do Scarecrow and “Musketeer” know each other? Is this like a Pagemaster situation? You’ve seen The Pagemaster, right? Well, I don’t have time to explain it to you. It involved classic book characters coming to life, only I don’t think any of them were from The Three Musketeers or The Wizard of Oz. Or maybe it did, it’s been a while since I’ve seen it. Maybe I should’ve made this about The Pagemaster instead, since I actually forgot where I was going with this. How did I even find this commercial? Oh right, because of fucking Wicked. Can you imagine going to McDonald’s and getting a fucking paperback of Wicked? Everyone tells me that book’s not for kids. An animal orgy happens in the book, apparently. You think I’m joking. I am not joking. Or maybe the guy who told me “dude, there’s an animal orgy in the Wicked book” was fucking with me. That’s entirely possible.

Anyway when I go to McDonald’s I don’t want a book, I want a toy. So fuck you, “Musketeer” and Tin Man and Lion and Dorothy. You ruined my trip to Mickey D’s. I will never forgive you.

Have a wicked night, y’all!