In Superman’s nearly ninety-year history of continuous publication, the Man of Steel has encountered a plethora of original allies and enemies who never quite caught on. Characters like, say, the Alpha-Centurion1A Roman centurion abducted by aliens, given a suit of armor that granted him superpowers, and returned to the present day.… Rampage2A scientist caught in a laboratory accident that grants her the ability to absorb solar energy and transform into a giant orange powerhouse with a red mohawk.… Inspector Henderson3The original default cop character in Superman’s world, created for the radio show and the later television show.… Yellow Peri4A young woman whose mastery of a magic book turns her into a vaguely genie-like sorceress… and who, despite her name’s obvious allusion to the racist “Yellow Peril” storytelling trope, is a blong-haired, blue-eyed white girl. She just wears a lotta yellow.… Lori Lemaris5Clark Kent’s college girlfriend: a young woman confined to a wheelchair who is eventually revealed to be a mermaid.… or Conduit6A jealous high-school rival of Clark’s who can channel Kryptonite radiation through a high-tech bodysuit he wears.. It’s a colorful assortment of odd ducks– some of whom see the occasional nostalgic revival, but most of whom fade into obscurity.

But standing tall in the pantheon of obscurity is… VARTOX!

Vartox (created in 1974 by writer Cary Bates and legendary artist Curt Swan) is an alien from the planet Valeron, located in the far-distant Sombrero Hat Galaxy7Which, stunningly, is a real thing…, where he is his world’s beloved superpowered champion in the same way that Superman is to Earth. Though the source of Vartox’s powers is never explained8Valeronians are shown to be totally normal, non-powered humanoids, aside from Vartox himself…, Vartox is just as absurdly powerful (if not MORESO) than the Man of Steel– possessing flight, hyper-strength9Yes, his powers are explicitly distinguished from Superman’s by being described as “hyper” powers rather than “super” powers., invulnerability, hyper-speed, “hyper-charges” (energy blasts from his hands), teleportation, and telekinesis, among other things. On top of that, he also has over a decade more of superhero-ing experience… making him, in virtually every way, Superman’s BETTER.

In a way, he’s sort of the 1970s’ answer to Superman as a masculine role model. Superman is a clean-cut, buttoned-up square, while Vartox is a stereotypical machismo machine, oozing with so much testosterone that all his hair has migrated from his head down to the rest of his body, and he’s completely unafraid to show it off. I’m surprised he’s not wearing any gold chains or medallions.10Pointedly, Superman and Vartox aren’t presented as enemies, but friends… who, like all superheroes, usually end up fighting each other over the occasional misunderstanding, but inevitably patch things up. They’re both heroes and they recognize that they’re on the same side, even if circumstances sometimes put them in conflict. So Vartox isn’t a repudiation of Superman as a masculine role model, so much as he’s just… an alternative.

Oh, and as you’ve no doubt guessed, his… erm… distinctive appearance (thigh-high leather boots, vest with no shirt, receding hairline, porn ‘stache, and EXPLOSION of chest hair) was explicitly based on Sean Connery’s character Zed from the film Zardoz.

Vartox made a little over a dozen appearances, all in issues written or co-written by Cary Bates, until Crisis on Infinite Earths rebooted Superman’s history and Vartox was wiped from continuity. And while the character DID make a brief return in the late ’90s (with a significantly reduced profile), and had a short but memorable stint as a comedic antagonist in Amanda Conner’s Power Girl run, he’s never broken free from the limbo of discarded ideas. 

But then… who knows what the future may bring…?