A lot to unpack here…

* HOW did Lex Luthor “steal all of the blue” from Metropolis? Did he use science? Black magic? Silver Age writing?

* WHY did Lex Luthor “steal all of the blue” from Metropolis? Was it to piss off Superman? Did he hate the villains in Yellow Submarine? Can he just not stand colors that remind him of his sworn enemy/the villains in Yellow Submarine?

* Captain Crunch is getting involved. Captain Crunch, who I guess lives in Metropolis, turns two seemingly random children into cartoon characters so they can help him save the color blue. At first, I thought this might be to save Superman. But no. It’s the color blue.

* Sorry, I was so distracted by how stupid this all was that I misspoke earlier. Lex didn’t steal “all of the blue” from Metropolis. He stole it from THE WORLD! That means that the color blue just doesn’t exist in the world anymore? What does that mean for Bluey? Did she die?

* Captain Crunch’s solution to this catastrophe is, of course, cereal. Specifically his new Superman Returns CRUNCH Cereal. Well, it’s not new anymore. Actually, you probably shouldn’t eat it if you find any. Not that I would want to, since it turns your milk BLUE, which is not only disgusting, it should at least be saved for “Luke Skywalker The Last Jedi CRUNCH Cereal!” (Actually, I’m grossing myself out. Please don’t ever do this, Quaker. I’m dead serious. PLEASE DON’T EVER DO THIS, QUAKER!!!)

* Sorry, his name is “Cap’n Crunch”? Joke’s on me. I’ve been misspelling it my entire life.

* Come to think of it, where is Superman during all of this? Is this before he “returned”? Or has his entire costume turned an ugly shade of brown in light of there being no blue left in the world and he’s just embarrassed to show his face in public?

* I don’t think it’s safe to let children have jetpacks. Especially for cereal. Is this why you turned them into cartoons, Cap’n? To avoid the legal consequences?

* THE MAILBOX AT THE END OF THE COMMERCIAL TALKS!!!! WHY???? IS SUPERMAN LORE KNOWN FOR TALKING MAILBOXES??? DO MAILBOXES LOVE EATING CEREAL?? I’M SO LOST!!

* I’m fine, by the way.

* BUT I AM DEAD SERIOUS, IF ANYONE FROM QUAKER OATS IS READING THIS, DO NOT MAKE “LUKE SKYWALKER THE LAST JEDI CRUNCH CEREAL!” YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW SICK I MADE MYSELF FEEL WITH THAT JOKE! I’M GETTING SICKER RIGHT NOW JUST THINKING ABOUT IT! YOU HEAR ME, QUAKER??

Have a blue day, y’all!