Sure, there’s ‘freedom,’ and ‘equality,’ and ‘racism,’ and ‘fucking over poor people.’ But let’s take this July 4th and remember some forgotten, but no less important, American values using the crown jewel of artistic media: 1980’s music videos.
Pat Benatar-Shadows of the Night
Forgotten American values: Dreaming of fucking up Nazis, amazing eyeliner, watching stuff and saying ‘Oh hey! Bill Paxton!’
Janet Jackson- Rhythm Nation
Forgotten American values: Calling any group of people ‘[Blank] Nation’
The B-52s- Love Shack
Forgotten American values: Chryslers as big as a whale, hairdos as big as a whale, the good kind of getting sweaty, yelling about necessary home repairs, RuPaul
Living Colour- Cult of Personality
Forgotten American values: Yelling ‘what in the goddamn hell is wrong with people?!?’ at the tv, absolutely fucking shredding on guitar, Hypercolor bodysuits
ZZ Top- Legs
Forgotten American values: Texas strip malls, beards, makeovers, fighting for the underdog while wearing a miniskirt
The Go-Gos- Vacation
Forgotten American values: Wishing for PTO, secretly being punk as fuck, dream sequences, water skiing
Madonna- Like a Prayer
Forgotten American values: Failed Pepsi commercials, making the pope mad, becoming a brunette when you want to get serious about stuff, daydreaming about Leon
Queen Latifah ft. Monie Love- Ladies First
Forgotten American values: Pantsuits, grabbing the mic and getting dumb, a flawless accessories game, misandry
Cyndi Lauper- Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
Forgotten American values: Asymmetrical haircuts, blocking the sidewalk, head and torso choreography, Captain Lou Albano, not realizing a song is a cover
Los Lobos- La Bamba
Forgotten American values: Biopics, pissing off the ‘in America we speak English’ set, one-hit wonders, Lou Diamond Phillips being any ethnicity you want him to be
Billy Joel- We Didn’t Start the Fire
Forgotten American values: What else do I have to say?
Happy Fourth of/regular Friday in July, Politicados. Have an ice-cold drink and a hot dog or hot dog adjacent food item and hug your pets regardless. Be nice to each other today, be nice to the mods, and don’t threaten Mayor McSquirrel.