Hallmark continues their commitment to queer representation with The Groomsmen: Second Chances. Jonathan Bennett plays Danny, a flaky baseball coach. He leaves his finances to Zack, his stuffy business manager (a charming Alexander Lincoln). When Zack gets engaged, Danny’s friends help him realize that he’s loved Zack all along. Will he pull a Julia Roberts and sabotage the wedding? Not really. Hallmark’s averse to conflict. But he’ll get to visit Greece and wear some nice suits.
Let me break it down in this spoiler filled recap.
Act One: My Best Friend’s Wedding
Prologue: A Tavern
RUNAWAY BRIDE: I fled my wedding because of the three Groomsmen. They each get a movie.
BARTENDER: This column’s only interested in the gay one.
RUNAWAY BRIDE: Well, it all started…
Scene One: Bar
ZACK (Uptight Business Manager): Sign your contracts you goof!
DANNY (Goofy Baseball Coach): I’m playing arcade games you killjoy!
GROOMSMEN: Aren’t you dating yet?
DANNY: No way. I’m hot dogs. He’s crumpets. We’re just friends.
ZACK: This is my new boyfriend, Lawyer!
LAWYER: He says you’re funny Danny. I don’t understand humor. I have to go to work now. Lawyer stuff.
DANNY: I hate him.
Scene Two: Another Friend’s Wedding
ZACK: I proposed to Lawyer and he dumped me.
DANNY: That’s great because I’ve finally realized that…
PHONE: Ring Ring.
ZACK: Lawyer? You can’t live without me? You do want to get married? Wonderful! Danny, will you be my best man?
DANNY: Ruh-roh.
Act Two: Who’s Chasing You?
Scene Three: Climbing Wall
ZACK: Why’d you ask me up here? Lawyer’s afraid of heights.
DANNY: Sad. Since we’re alone let’s talk about…
LAWYER: I scaled the wall! Thanks for making me face my fears Danny. Now I have to go to work. Work work workity work.
DANNY: Fool. The worst thing you can do in Hallmark-land is care about your job!
GROOMSMEN: Danny stop meddling! You are a Hallmark ingenue. You cannot be an anti-hero.
DANNY: If I stop then this film has no conflict.
Scene Four: Greece
ZACK: The wedding venue cancelled! That’s our conflict!
DANNY: I shouldn’t be your best man.
ZACK: I can’t do this without you! I literally don’t know anyone else.
COMEDY WEDDING PLANNER: Let me take you a tour of potential venues. Hallmark gave us a budget. Just don’t talk to my ex.
COMEDY EX: Chill. I’m on the Deus Ex Machina Committee. I can get you the perfect venue!
COMEDY WEDDING PLANNER: Conflict resolved. We’ll give Zack and Danny the perfect wedding.
ZACK: Oh, it’s not for us. We’re just friendly platonic friends without benefits.
DANNY: Zack, let’s jump in the sea. It will symbolize… spontaneity or something.
ZACK: Ew. No.
Act Three: Choose Me
Scene Five: Batting Cage
ZACK: I can be spontaneous. Teach me how to do baseball.
DANNY: Can I grind up against you while I do?
ZACK: Pretty spicey for Hallmark.
DANNY: I love you. (They almost kiss. Lawyer interrupts.)
LAWYER: Let’s get this wedding over with. It’s really interfering with my work.
Scene Six: Cliff Side
GROOMSMEN: We were wrong Danny. Go Julia Roberts that bastard!
ZACK: Too late. I’ve already broken up with Lawyer off screen. I realized I’ve loved you all along!
DANNY: Let’s get married you crazy killjoy! (They kiss.)
ZACK: First let’s jump into the sea! (They do.)
RUNAWAY BRIDE: And that’s how they died… Kidding.
THE END
Take a Chance
This is, generally speaking, not how gay works. ~ Alonso Duralde, Deck the Hallmark
Jonathan Bennett has been making gay Hallmark films since 2020. He usually plays a campy clown. In The Holiday Sitter he mugged like Lucille Ball. The Groomsmen: Second Chances allows him to be subtler, and sexier, than previous outings. But I wish he had more (say it with me) agency. The climbing wall bit happens 30 minutes in. After that the supporting cast drives the plot.
Next month Bennett will host Finding Mr. Christmas. A competition to find the next Hallmark hunk. The mind boggles. Now they need to cast him in a film opposite Luke Macfarlane, Hallmark’s other resident homosexual. Sparks would fly.
For more Hallmark recaps check out Afropig’s fantastic Hallmark Countdown to Christmas series. You can find more of my reviews on The Avocado, Letterboxd and Serializd. My podcast, Rainbow Colored Glasses, can be found here.