You are now entering Ad Space, a realm of commercials, brought before us so we might examine how they work, and discuss why we both love and hate them so. So it is written …

The Product:
PrizePicks sports betting “daily fantasy sports” service

The Promotion:
Watch Video Here

The Pitch:
With PrizePicks, you can be a winner just like these douchecanoes!

Everyone in this ad bugs the shit out of me. But they each bug the shit out of me in different ways, which is actually kind of impressive.

We’ll start with the big guy in sunglasses, who I will refer to as D-Bag 1. Now, the first thing that bugs me, it’s probably more a me problem. Certain little things just get on my nerves, and someone constantly making the rubbing-money-between-my-fingers gesture (or possibly the world’s-smallest-violin-playing-just-for-you gesture), that’s one of ’em. But that on its own wouldn’t be enough to make me label this person a douchebag.

No, what earns them that title is how, when asked why they’re making that gesture, rather than explaining, D-Bag 1 instead orders one of their friends to explain for them – never mind interrupting what their friend was doing. That is a very douche move.

Of course, D-Bag 1 does have reason to be in a foul mood, on account of D-Bag 2. This would be the person who asks D-Bag 1 what they’re up to.

Asking that question? Perfectly fine. Asking that question after throwing a football at D-Bag 1? Kind of obnoxious. Asking that question after throwing a football at D-Bag 1 while they’re holding a cellphone? Pretty douchey – you could easily make someone drop and crack their phone that way. Asking that question after throwing a football at D-Bag 1 while they’re holding a cellphone and floating in a pool!? Unless D-Bag 1 has a waterproof phone, that is douche level maximum.

Compared to D-Bag 2, D-Bag 3 is a saint. This’ll be the boxer guy who explains how PrizePicks works. Really, this guy doesn’t do anything wrong, aside from not explaining PrizePicks very well. They say you “pick more or less on at least two players”, but don’t say more or less what. Looking up info on PrizePicks, I see the deal is you’re betting whether players will do better or worse than their statistical average in an upcoming game, but D-Bag 3 doesn’t convey that. It’s the sort of explanation that only makes sense if you’re already immersed enough in the topic to not need an explanation. Which, if D-Bag 3 was a real person, would be totally forgivable – we can’t always express ourselves perfectly. But given this is a commercial, where the whole point is to explain this sort of thing, that really bugs me.

With D-Bag 4, though, it’s just the opposite. Chiming in with “Plus, you can play in almost every state” – that’s a very sensible thing to include in a commercial. But if you imagine this as really happening, someone rolling up and inserting themselves into a conversation by reciting a tangentially related factoid, of no value to anyone present, and expecting a fistbump as a reward for their contribution …

They all just bug me, and if I didn’t have this Ad Space column, I’d never have a chance to vent about it. Thank you for allowing me this indulgence.