FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE FROM SONY

Greetings, Avocados! We are thrilled to announce the launch of THE AVOCADO PRO, the next step in the evolution of shit-posting! THE AVOCADO PRO will provide users with an experience unlike any they have ever had before! The future is now, and it is THE AVOCADO PRO.

With a slick design that will modernize the game of commenting, THE AVOWED PRO features ADVANCED AVOCADO VISION. You will be blown away! Just take a look at the difference between posting a meme on the old Avocado compared to THE AVOCADO PRO.

Wow! Pardon our French, but holy shit! That is some stunning quality there! Now users everywhere can bask in the luxury of being able to share videos in HDDDDD! This will be a percentage better than on the old site! For instance, here’s a clip from The Simpsons as it looks on the current state of The Avocado (spoiler! it looks super lame!):

Now here is the EXACT SAME CLIP as it will look on THE AVOCADO PRO:

THE AVOCADO PRO promises countless hours of spellbinding entertainment! Confirmed upcoming features include Ad Space (Remastered), Tolerable Discussions (Remastered), Strip Club (Remastered), and Open Threads (Remastered). More exciting news will be announced in the coming years!

NOTE: THE AVOCADO PRO DOES NOT INCLUDE MECA-GARFIELD, WHICH IS REQUIRED TO USE THE SITE AND IS SOLD SEPARATELY. SUGGESTED RETAIL PRICE IS $700 (NOT IN CANADA). MECA-GARFIELD’S PRICE TO BE DETERMINED LATER. DOES NOT INCLUDE CABLE PORT. WE ARE STILL FIGURING THAT OUT.

Have a great day, future customers!