Judas Kiss tells a queer sci fi tale. A failed film maker travels back in time to mentor (and bang) his younger self. Only he’s vaguely still in the present day. Sadly, J.T. Tepnapa’s movie wastes the premise with endless exposition, leaden pacing and poop jokes. For all the time it spends explaining itself, it somehow makes no sense. Guest star Sean Paul Lockhart out-charms the leads as a friendly love interest.
Let’s untangle the plot in this spoiler filled recap. Trigger warning: The story includes discussion of child sexual abuse.
Act One: Back to the Future
Scene One: Hollywood
SUCCESSFUL FILM DIRECTOR: Judge the college film festival in my place.
ZACH: But I’m a depressed chain-smoking alcoholic who gave up on my filmmaking dreams!
(Don’t worry folks. There will be more exposition.)
Scene Two: Keystone College Campus
(Naked Men strut through the dorm shower room. Because gay movie.)
NAKED MEN: It’s a living.
(A Twink leaps on Zach.)
TWINK: Let’s have sex.
ZACH: Okay. (They do.)
Scene Three: Film Festival Panel
TWINK: I’m Danny Reyes and my film is called Judas Kiss.
ZACH: What the hell? I’M Danny Reyes! MY film was called Judas Kiss. I changed my name to distance myself from my tragic past and… no one cares.
OLD ZACH: He’s you! Change your past to change your future!
ZACH: I f-d myself? Is that incest or masturbation?
FEMALE FRIEND: F- you queers! I need to poo! Poo poo poo! If I keep saying poo it will become funny.
ZACH: It won’t.
Act Two: Sliding Doors
Scene Four: Fancy Party
POOR BOY (Guest star Sean Paul Lockhart): I think you’re cute Danny.
RICH BOY: I think you’re hot Danny. Let’s take drugs.
TWINK: Gosh. I…
LOUDMOUTHED GIRL: F- you queers! Stop being a mussy! What’s a mussy? Is it like a bussy? Who cares? The filmmaker just thinks women should yell and swear!
Scene Five: Moral Choices
EVIL DAD (to Twink): Your film tells lies about me. Destroy it or I’ll cut off your tuition.
OLD ZACH (to Zach): Danny cheated to win the festival. And it ruined our lives. Let our Evil Dad destroy the film.
TWINK: I’ve got bigger problems. Should I sleep with Poor Boy or Rich Boy?
RICH BOY: Me! (Sex scene.) Screw the festival. Move in with me and be my kept boy.
TWINK: That would solve all of my problems!
Scene Six: Film Festival
ZACH: I’m you from the future. Rich Boy ruins your life. Just like Dad. Also, we f-d ourselves.
TWINK: We’ve had worse. But I don’t trust your judgement. You’re the loser timeline. I’m going to be a winner! (Punches Zach.)
JUDGE: Evil Dad tells me Judas Kiss was written before Danny came to Keystone. It is disqualified from the competition.
AUDIENCE: That’s all? Screen it anyway. Are we from 1996 or 2011? (The audience watches in silence.)
TWINK: Thank you for watching my film about the time my father molested me.
EVIL DAD: I told you not to screen that film!
TWINK: I don’t take orders from child molesters.
Act Three: It’s a Wonderful Life?
Scene Seven: Enchanted Forest
TWINK: Where are we?
ZACH: Dunno. (Zach kisses Twink)
TWINK: I hope that’s not a… JUDAS KISS!
ZACH: Wooooooaaaaahhhh!
TWINK: What should I do now?
ZACH: Dump Rich Boy. Date Poor Boy. He becomes a Successful Film Director. Just don’t expect him to look like Sean Paul Lockhart.
TWINK: And that changes my future? Then why bother sabotaging my film scholarship?
ZACH: Your cheating was symbolic of the way we took short cuts in our life or… something.
TWINK: Why didn’t we use time travel to escape being molested by our dad?
OLD ZACH: … Damn.
THE END
Argo F- Yourself
Did Zach fix anything? Can a bad college boyfriend change your trajectory? Should they have dropped the molestation plot and made this a sex farce? HBO’s adaptation of The Time Traveler’s Wife made waves in 2022 when the protagonist gave his younger self a blow job. Judas Kiss did it first and went farther. It’s the most memorable idea in a sometimes-incomprehensible film. I give it points for ambition.
You can read more of my reviews on The Avocado, Letterboxd and Serializd. My podcast, Rainbow Colored Glasses, can be found here.