Once upon a time, Sam the Eagle (“The official mascot of the 1984 Olympic Games”) went to Ronald McDonald in desperation for help. “Ronald, I need you to test this sports equipment before I take it to the Olympics!” Now, Ronald didn’t respond with “well why the fuck would you need me to do that?” like any normal clown would, and instead said “sure.” Because Ronald was cool like that.

Anyway, Ronald had a great time. He had feasted on McSteroids that morning and was able to do every Olympic event with ease. Poor Ronald. No one had the heart to tell him that the Soviet Union was boycotting the games that year. Not when he was having so much McSteroid-enhanced fun. It wasn’t until after Sam the Eagle had smugly left with all of his tested equipment that Grimace informed him that he personally stood to lose $44 million.

Have a golden day, y’all!