Hallmark’s Christmas on Cherry Lane follows three families on Christmas Day. An expectant mother and her husband (Erin Cahill and John Brotherton) are bullied by her parents. A widow (Catherine Bell) has a surprise for her bratty children (Matthias Falvai and Veronica Long). A gay couple (Jonathan Bennett and Vincent Rodriguez III) are frantically preparing for their new foster child. Hallmark’s new managers have diversified their programming. Bennett is making his fourth appearance as a stressed Hallmark gay. He is the highlight of an otherwise forgettable film. The conflicts are easily resolved. The mystery is how these families are connected.
Let us examine the answer in this spoiler filled recap.
Act One: Christmas Crisis
Scene One: A House on Cherry Lane
PREGNANT WOMAN: We just moved in, the baby is due, and my awful parents have ambushed us.
BRATTY SIBLINGS: Mom wants to re-marry, sell the house and move to Florida. We gotta stop her!
GAY COUPLE: The kitchen’s not done, the dinner guests are coming and our foster child is arriving tonight!
Scene Two: Mystery Solved
KINDLY NEIGHBOR: Are you all in the same house?
PREGNANT WOMAN: Yes, but at different times. 1973.
BRATTY SIBLINGS: 1999.
GAY COUPLE: And 2023.
KINDLY NEIGHBOR: Wow. The reveal came 20 minutes in. And there’s 70 minutes of film left.
Act Two: Thunder Snow
Scene Three: 1973
PREGNANT WOMAN: Hallmark can’t afford 70’s clothes. We’ll have to drop some groovy references.
MEAN MOM: Nixon won’t approve of your foolish husband’s gas station exploiting the 1973 oil crisis.
OFFICER MOUSTACHE: Someone vandalized the gas station.
TALL HUSBAND: I have to investigate.
PREGNANT WOMAN: But I’m going into labor… RIGHT NOW!
Scene Four: 1999
BRATTY DAUGHTER: You should sell that worn down car.
BRATTY SON: I can’t stand change! Y2K is bad enough. Let’s play our DEAD DAD’s favorite party games so mom falls back in love with the house.
WIDOWED MOM: Kids, this subplot is silly. I’m moving. Get over it.
BRATTY SON: I CAN’T! I HATE YOU ALL! (He storms out.)
Scene Five: 2023
SINGING GAY: Comic Relief Contractor is still working on the kitchen. Let’s calm down with some Christmas Carols!
CHEF GAY: I CAN’T CALM DOWN! I’m going to my restaurant to cook Christmas Dinner.
SINGING GAY: But then our house won’t smell Christmasy for our foster daughter. WE’LL BE TERRIBLE DADS! S-i-i-lent N-i-i-ght. H-o-o-o-ly N-i-i-ght.
Act Three: Making Merry
Scene Six: Connections
MEAN MOM: I’m sorry pregnant daughter. I was only mean because I know you don’t need me anymore.
BRATTY SON: I’m sorry widowed mom. I was only mean because I miss our dad DEAD OFFICER MOUSTACHE.
CHEF GAY: I’m sorry I’m snowed in at the restaurant. Now I’ll never meet my Foster Daughter.
BRATTY SIBLINGS GROWN UP: We’ll take you home in the worn-down car we inherited from our friend DEAD TALL HUSBAND.
TALL HUSBAND: I die in my sixties?
MEAN MOM: Possibly your late forties. Let’s not get into it.
THE END
This Isn’t Us
Screenwriter Rick Garman juggled two storylines in Hallmark’s Notes of Autumn. He takes bigger risks here. There are more angry outbursts than I’ve seen in a Hallmark film. These folks take their tempers out on their loved ones. They apologize at the end, but they still have issues to work through. The early deaths of the 70’s dads also cast a pall on the finale.
Bennett and Rodriguez share multiple casual kisses throughout the story. It’s nice to see a gay interracial couple show affection on a channel that was known for its conservative atmosphere. But I’d rank this film below The Holiday Sitter and The Christmas House 2. On December 17 the channel premiered their first lesbian romcom Friends & Family Christmas.
For more Hallmark recaps check out Afropig’s Hallmark Countdown to Christmas series. You can find more of my reviews on The Avocado, Letterboxd and Serializd. My podcast, Rainbow Colored Glasses, can be found here.