Open Threads

Get Off Your Butt and Do the Dance! Workout with Barbie Night Thread

Dance! Workout with Barbie is a 1992 VHS released by Disney. As you can probably guess, it’s an exercise video for kids, but it plays like an aerobics tape from the 80s. That’s because this is essentially 25 minutes of non-stop workout dances with no breaks. And while it’s fun as a nostalgic oddity, my fat ass found this kind of exhausting to watch. Maybe I need to move around more. Or maybe I shouldn’t go to Barbie for my fitness needs.

Actually, “Barbie” isn’t really the star here. Our instructor is “Barbie’s friend” Kim, who is all smiles, all the time, and she doesn’t stop moving. Ever. She never lets us have a real break, only allowing us to stop to do the “Barbie Breather” to catch our breath. Then she just keeps urging us to do the “Broadway Barbie” and other routines, some of which don’t have “Barbie” in their name.

Barbie is still around as the host. Kind of. After an entire minute of legal disclaimers warning us that we can’t sue Mattel if your dumb kids get injured when doing the workouts in this video (not that I think any kid actually bothered to keep up with them, and most likely just went “freestyle” for the whole thing), Barbie shows up to welcome us to the show and then pops up every now and again to join Kim for all of the tiring fun. And while it’s impressive that Barbie never breaks a sweat, she also looks….dead inside. Like I think that Barbie went through a personal tragedy minutes before shooting this. I kind of feel like I should give her a hug, but her consistent creepy smile tells me that would most likely be a bad idea.

Barbie just assumes that her audience consists entirely of girls. That’s not very PC of you, Barbie.

On a note of interest, Barbie is animated via stop-motion by Will Vinton Productions, and is voiced by The Little Mermaid herself, Jodi Benson. Funnily enough, Benson would later go on to play Barbie again in the Toy Story movies. Also, a young Jennifer Love Hewitt (credited as just “Love”) is one of the little girls here, and she performs all of the songs on the video’s soundtrack. Not that I can really tell you anything about those songs, because in true 80s aerobics fashion, Kim just won’t stop shouting over them!

Have a groovy night, y’all!

NOTE: THE AVOCADO AND SCRATSTITCH (AND BARBIE, FOR THAT MATTER) ARE NOT LEGALLY LIABLE IF YOU GET HURT BY THE YOUTUBE VIDEO ABOVE. CONSULT A DOCTOR BEFORE WATCHING IT. SUPERVISE CHILDREN 18 OR YOUNGER.