The Ruber Night Thread Creates a Mechanical Army with Pride

The Matrix Reloaded opened on this day 20 years ago, but we’re not here to talk about that. Here’s more Quest for Camelot instead.

For those unfamiliar with the plot of this movie, Gary Oldman voices Ruber, an evil knight who is evil for evil reasons. His motive? Well, he’s evil. Ruber hates peace and kindness (he literally says so), and wants to return things to…the dark ages? Wait, those haven’t happened yet. Anyway, all you need to know is that Ruber is evil, and somehow King Arthur was stupid enough to knight him, I guess because Arthur didn’t want to cancelled for discriminating against a guy who looks like he has actual claws for fingernails.

That guy on the right is having NONE of this…

Now, in the opening scene of the film, Ruber murders main character Kayley’s father right in front of all of Arthur’s knights. They are all right there. Arthur is right there too. And yet Ruber gets away. Like, I’m starting to think these “Knights of the Round Table” aren’t all they’re cracked up to be if they can’t take on one guy who resembles a WWE reject. Ruber swears revenge against Arthur for getting in trouble for murder, I guess, and then vanishes for ten years before returning to kidnap Kayley so he can blackmail her mother into leading him into Camelot so can take over everything, and if that sounds a tad convoluted, don’t worry, because he sings a song to explain it all.

Quest for Camelot actually has a pretty great soundtrack, but Ruber’s song…is in a category all of its own. For one thing, it’s simply called “Ruber”–though I suppose that’s short and to the point. But the song’s lyrics are something else entirely. Gary Oldman (clearly having an absolute ball here; seriously, it’s infectious) performs it as though he’s making it up as he’s going along, alternating between “singing” and just sort of saying the words. And it’s hilarious! Also, yes, for whatever reason in some other countries, this movie had the needlessly long title The Magic Sword: Quest for Camelot (also, there’s a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it “Acme” sight gag, which is a nice touch)…

Have an EVIL night, everyone!