Burger King has had a number of mascots come and go over the decades (RIP Burger King Kid’s Club Kids–you’ll get your chance to shine in a ScratStitch OT soon enough), but some of the stranger ones probably come from the late 70s and early 80s, when the “Burger King” had a whole kingdom of wacky characters at his side. There was the “Duke of Doubt” (who I guess…was cranky?), the “Burger Thing” (who was like a talking door, except he was also a burger), and the star of the show tonight– Sir Shake-a-Lot.

Sir Shake-a-Lot is really…something. According to the Fast Food Franchises Fandom Wiki (which is a thing, by the way), he is “a shake-loving knight who is a friend of The Burger King. He loves shakes so much that he is always shivering because the shakes are so cold.” His catchphrase (yes, he has a catchphrase) is “GREAT SHAKES!!!”

There are a number of things that need to be addressed here. First of all, Shake-a-Lot has clearly turned his love of Burger King shakes into a dangerous addiction. It has reached the point where he can’t even stop having a physical reaction to them, but rather than help his good friend, ol’ Burger King just decides to perform some magic tricks and make more shakes appear, which is only going to make the problem worse.

I also have to ask how the hell this guy even got knighted in the first place. What good is a guy like Sir Shake-a-Lot going to do on the battlefield when King Ronald McDonald of House McDonald unleashes his Grimace Army on the kingdom? The answer is jack shit, because he’ll be too busy consuming Burger King shakes and talking in that goofy voice of his about how much he loves them, all while sinking deeper into the abyss of shake dependence.

Sir Shake-a-Lot also has a snout for a nose and buckteeth, which makes me think that he served as the inspiration for Ron Howard as to how the Whos in The Grinch would be, because he looks exactly like one of those guys. Just think of Ron Howard talking to the development team and telling them they should watch old Burger King commercials of fucking Sir Shake-a-Lot as homework for what they were going to do on his next big movie. You might say that sounds far-fetched, but anything is fucking possible when you consider that Sir Shake-a-Lot had actual merchandise that you could own, including this glass…

Have a great night, y’all! And in the immortal words of Lady Taylor Swift, “shake it off!”