Winnie the Pooh: Crud and Honey Day Thread

There’s a good chance you grew up watching The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, even if you weren’t alive when it was new. That’s because Disney kept it alive through reruns and seemingly endless home video releases for ages. Heck, in 2002, more than 20 years after it ended, Pooh was still airing as a part of Disney’s One Saturday Morning on ABC.

But what you might not recall is how weird the show sometimes got, sending Pooh and the gang on crazy adventures that they really never went on otherwise. This included Cleanliness is Next to Impossible, an episode that freaked me out so much as a kid that I not only didn’t finish watching it, but made every effort within my power to avoid it afterwards (in my defense, I think I was six). In fact, I didn’t even watch it in its entirety until I was an adult, and you know what? It still kind of scares me a little.

This title card alone is enough to trigger me.

It begins like a normal episode of the show…except that, no, it actually doesn’t, because Christopher Robin and his friends are nearly consumed by a monstrous tornado with a fucking face which devours Pooh, Piglet and Tigger as the boy desperately tries to unlatch the lock of a storm shelter. So yeah, we’re off to a fun start. Of course, it turns out that this part is just a fantasy Christopher Robin is having because his mom’s fan was left running, and then his mom (you know, Christopher Robin’s apparently faceless mom) scolds him for stashing too many of his toys under his bed. She also, in a seemingly random moment, tells Christopher Robin that he should really use soap the next time he takes a bath, and then…tosses him a bar of soap, which he puts in his pocket. You know, as moms do. Because that’s not asking for him to slip on it and break his back at all if he accidentally leaves it on the floor.

Anyway, alas, no one heeds mom’s warnings, and after a swing song from Tigger about the joys of keeping toys under the bed, the bed…um…devours all of the toys Christopher Robin has placed under it. Then it devours Pooh and Piglet. Christopher Robin and Tigger join them, followed by the sound of mad, evil cackling.

Gee, I think I’m starting to remember why I didn’t like this as a kid.

Upon entering what is essentially Toy Hell, Pooh and Piglet get arrested by giant crayon solders who FUCKING ROAR LIKE WILD ANIMALS, while Tigger and Christopher are introduced to the ruler of this dystopia, Crud. Crud is an enormous slime monster who looks a lot like Oogie Boogie from The Nightmare Before Christmas if he were made out of mucus, and his goal is to use Christopher’s enslaved toys (yes, he has slaves) to help him take over the entire world by polluting it. Crud is, of course, wasting his time, as people are already doing a good job of that on their own, but the point is, Crud means business, Crud wants world domination, and Crud imprisons Christopher in a dungeon which is so narrow that he can’t even stand up in it. So you know, just another typical day in the 100 Acre Wood.

I just know there’s Rule 34 art of this guy out there…

Cleanliness is Next to Impossible was one of the only episodes of the series to never get a home video release of any sort in the United States (another one was the pilot Pooh Oughta Be in Pictures, which was actually one of my favorites as a kid, probably because it didn’t involve toy slaves). I suspect this was because I wasn’t the only one freaked out by it, as when I looked around online, I found many, many comments talking about how this scared the Pooh out of them when they were little. Normally this is the part where I would link to it on YouTube so you could check it out for yourself, but Disney doesn’t like entire episodes of their cartoons uploaded by third parties. It is, however, on Disney+, so if you feel like subjecting yourself to the first true Pooh horror story, you can seek it out there.

Have a good day, Avocados! And remember: ALWAYS keep a fresh bar of soap in your pocket. It might be the difference between life and death for you someday.