Happy Monday, folks! It’s time for the Weekly Video Games Thread, that time of Monday where we all chat about what went on in ours gaming lives last weekend. I’ll be excited for that, but let’s get to today’s prompt.
As has been made abundantly clear over the years, I am a bone-deep Mario devotee and, as such, am awaiting the day I can go to Super Nintendo World. But one of the things I’m most excited for? The food! The place follows fairly standard theme park procedure of on-brand foods, like… fish meunière with a mark to look like that skeletal fish Mario has to avoid in underwater levels. Or a… thing of rice positioned to look like a Super Star. Or, and this is the best one, a salad bizarrely organized to make it seem as though a Piranha Plant is about to eat your lettuce.
See, I’ve not had a lot of experience with these kinds of branded foods, certainly not ones based on games. Last year I had a Kirby and the Forgotten Land tie-in slushie, and I’m pretty sure I had a thing of Pokémon candies as a child that came in a Bulbasaur toy back in the late Nineties, but this isn’t really a “thing” for me. Certainly all those energy drinks that pretend to be from video or tabletop games all seem disgusting. And that delicious-looking Twilight Princess soup always seemed way too big for one man, no matter how excited he and he alone was for a stew of cream, pumpkin, and “reekfish.” But this aspect of the park is exciting, even if I’ll only eat a fraction of the food whenever I go there, even if it’s really not that special (I haven’t gone to a theme park in well over a decade), and even if the food is ultimately just “fine.”
And from this is my prompt: come up with a tie-in food product for a video game. I’ll start! How’s about… a Dark Souls flask, but the “Estus” is a health-conscious juice that perks you up as much as it does in the games? Or maybe a grossly expensive Dead Space Necromorph “arm” that bursts with pasta, tomato sauce, and chili once you cut into the entirely edible wafer “flesh?” And while Kirby’s already got his own cafe and themed-foods, why not make a set of Meta Knight-themed takoyaki? You could take, like, two pieces of the fried seaweed and position them as his wings.
Now get to commenting and imaginizing! I’m now going to spend the rest of the day resenting my inability to eat foods that do and do not actually exist, so use your imaginations and help add to my tsuris.