The Day Thread Visits Wakanda

Hey everyone! I thought for my open thread that I’m making I would share this leaked opening scene from the Black Panther 2 script that my friend in the industry found for me.

I’ve read it a few times now and… honestly? It kinda rules. This could be the MCU’s Top Gun Maverick when all is sad and done.

Int. Palace of Wauconda. Day.

A janitor sweeping the floor breaks the fourth wall and looks at the camera, like fleabag.

Janitor: Wrong Wauconda. This is a Burger Palace.

Smash cut record scratch

Int. Palace of Wakanda. Day.

The royal has assembled and there is a foreboding sense of melancholy pervading the room, like a really bad fart.

Queen Angela: My son is dead! My family is ruined.

Sherri: Mother! Eat some vibranium pills I made in my lab. Vibranium is an antidepressant.

Queen Angela: not bad, not bad

Suddenly, the wall explodes. A man who looks like a fish surfs in on a really cool wave.

Guy in charge of building stuff: Oh no! Wall!

Quip guy: what is this, the DCEU where stuff breaks that costs money

Water-man: It is I! Water-man. I have radical ideas to prop up the authoritarian status quo on planet earth in a way that definitely benefits me and all water people.

Guy in charge of morality: You mean in a way similar to how the Avengers fought for a quasi-authoritarian status quo that allowed the military industrial complex to thrive under American exceptionalism on a transgalactic scale?

Water-man: Kind of, but more evil.

Guy in charge of morality: Oh no! Evil!

Queen: We will not stand for this.

Sherry: (under her breath) the vibranium is kicking in.

Water-man: Yes you will. Kitties don’t like water. Yeehaw!

He surfboards away. Everyone laughs at the kitty line because it’s funny and cats don’t like water and I’m funny. It will come back at the end when a kitty say something like “I DO like water I’m one of THOSE kitties” or something I haven’t written that part yet.

Queen: This is terrible! We have no black panthers left to fight the water people.

Sherry : or DO we

Lupita Nyong’o’s character whose name I forgot: or TWO we

They do. It’s the second one. It’s Black Panther 2. Kendrick starts wrapping while the name Black Panther 2 shows up on the screen. Everyone cheers.