♫ Stick your hand in the fire
And say you don’t feel the pain
But pick your teeth out to feed the flames
Yeah, they’ll give you your money
But it’s never quite enough ♫
’Cause sometimes money just costs too much ♫
— Downed lines? Winning everything but radio station programmers’ hearts? Pick a number why this Nashvillian power pop band never got its due. Perhaps Cassidy knows.1
Your Escherian Weekend Politics Thread host zigs when they zag. Viewing each WPT as a zugzwang in an eternal eschatological game of Thud permits Uvular to eschew mere topicality. It propels him to strap in for a bathyscaphe plunge into the vortex of incipient volkskrieg to surface with only the most blindly insightful deconstructions of the demimonde.
Or, Uvular elides the epochal assemblage of global gatherings against gun violence coalescing under the banner of March for Lives on June 11, 2022.
Or, he neglects for the second Saturday running to spotlight a saving grace ad silver palm crossing of escalating inflation: The poor have grown richer over the past two years, though you’d never read that here.
Or, he joins the ignoring masses in overlooking the society-crippling knock-on effects of a still-raging COVID-19 pandemic.
What Uvular will do in addition to littering his prose with hyphenated noun phrases—what he knows he must—takes the form of inveighing against an upstart Saudi Arabian Sovern Wealth Fund-funded professional golf tour.
The fatiguing familiarity of the story in broad outline exhausts Uvular to the point that Politicados may barely even feel spittle flecking their cheeks. Suffice to tiredly type that greed greens- and greenbackwashes the most-blood-stained money.
For instance, Northern Ireland’s Graeme McDowell self-justifies accepting a multimillion appearance fee in the inaugural LIV event by bloviating, “People are going to have their opinions. The people that I am dealing with at LIV love the game of golf. I’ve always viewed golf as a force of good around the world,2 especially in countries where golf is a new sport. I love inspiring a new generation.”
Uvular prefers the honesty of unproven college golfers admitting they would accept big payouts in exchange for pretending the Saudi government never compiled a human rights record that would prompt Pol Pot to advise lightening up a skosh.
Mark Twain took golf’s measure some 125 years ago, characterizing it as good walk spoiled. So, what becomes of degraded pastime when its participants degrade it consciously? Substitute the nouns of one’s choice in this petulant poser and you have a fine template for a WPT header.