“Hello, hello, and greetings, and welcome to another Night Thread full of violence and destruction. The forecast tonight calls for blood raining down from the sky as it also rains literal cats and dogs. In other words, a typical Sunday night here in Hell.

In other news, there’s a new shindig in town called Hazbin Hotel, started by the Princess of Hell herself. Just between you and me, your old boy Alastor has made some personal investments in this fine establishment. Why don’t you consider joining their brand new rehabilitation program for demons? It may sound like a bad joke, but an entertaining one, and I can assure you our Princess is 100% serious. Kind of quaint, actually.

Be sure to stop on by and HAVE YOUR DREAMS CRUSHED INTO A BLOODY PULP THAT WILL TURN WHAT IS LEFT OF YOUR SOUL INTO A PILE OF CHEAP SHREDDED BEEF! Oh, I’m only kidding. OR AM I?

Have a violent and terrible night, Avocados! And be sure to join us later on for our live coverage of tonight’s Dead Kennedys concert. They’re on tour.”