The 5/13 Day Thread Reads the Rules

After posting my previous Day Thread, it has come to my attention that some of you do not understand the rules of Magic: the Gathering. This, of course, is ridiculous, since the Comprehensive Rules have been available online on the Wizards page since the Sixth Edition rules changes in 1999. As I’m sure you all know, back in 1994, the rules mostly had to be cobbled together by referencing various official rulings across Usenet and other sources, helpfully collected and searchable via a Perl script. You all know Perl scripts, right?

But 1999 changed everything! Now there was a simple 20,000 word document available for anyone to just go ahead and read!

Of course, the Comprehensive Rules have been evolved over time, with large”patch” updates happening around 8th edition in 2003, and 10th edition and the Grand Creature Type Update happening in 2007.

Which, as you know, brings us to the the most recent major overhaul, which would become the “Modern” Magic Comprehensive Rules. This happened in 2009 with the Magic 2010 set release,1 which, apart from completely reorganizing and rearranging the document, would introduce game-altering changes, like the removal of Mana Burn, the introduction of the “ordered” blocking rules, and the “Beginning of the End…….. Step” which renamed the End of Turn step and how End of Turn triggers would be worded. I don’t know why I said that in such a sinister way.

“But Zeussical!” I hear you say, for I have ears everywhere.

“I don’t have time to read a 250-page rules document just so that I can understand how to create a Turing-complete board state, a feat which is not actually as groundbreaking as news articles always make it sound!”

And I will tell you that you have a very specific purpose in mind for this for someone who doesn’t want to read. Yes, you. You, the voice in the back of my head that’s always screaming.

But fear not, because as with anything, the internet has already solved all of your problems, as long as your only problem was “not wanting to read the Comprehensive Rules, but rather have them read to you.” Enjoy:

You know, this was going to be an article where I just posted this YouTube link but then I went and did several hours of research anyway, dipping back into Usenet and making extensive use of the Wayback Machine. You’re welcome.

Have a great Day Thread!