The little Miami bungalow was quiet. The girls were all sleeping soundly. So soundly, they did not hear the yutz in their midst.
Stan snuck in through the lanai, his bad toupee visibly disheveled. He had been kicked out by his airline stewardess wife because he had been cheating on her with ANOTHER airline stewardess, although this one only flew from Miami to the Keys and back. He was ready to take it out on anyone he could find.
He approached a bedroom door, and turned the knob.
It was locked.
He heard a voice from the darkness.
“Are you sure you don’t want to buy some Sunshine Cadet cookies?”
He turned around so fast his toupee went flying down the hallway.
“Who are you?” Stan asked, his voice quivering.
The stranger flipped on a light switch. There she stood, a little girl in a cadet uniform, wearing the hollowed out face of a teddy bear over her own head.
“Boo,” she said, lunging at Stan.
He fell over backwards, tripping over a home-whittled maple syrup spigot Rose had carelessly dropped on the carpet. As he fell, his mask fell off. Underneath was the face of our almost-most-disgraced former president.
“I am not a crook!” Nixon growled.
The voice of Kissinger floated in from the kitchen.
I try to make it a point not to tangle with motivated young women, Mr. President. They always win. Also, this cheesecake is divine.
As Nixon hit the ground, Daisy stood over him. She saw a strange little flap on his face. She reached down and tugged.
It was another mask! Underneath lay the face of yet another former president.
“I am a Ford, not a Lincoln.”
That’s right, unbeknownst to all, the whole Nixon had actually been Gerald Ford in disguise.
Regardless, he was still dead.
NIXON AND ALSO KISSINGER (Captain Video) has been RETIRED TO SHADY PINES. He was STANLEY ZBORNAK (UNDETECTABLE WOLF).
THE GIRLS (
18 16 13 TOWN)
DOROTHY ZBORNAK (JAILER) – With Dorothy’s hard-shelled exterior and experience as a substitute teacher, she’s a perfect fit for her job as the town jailer. Each night, Dorothy submits a target to be roleblocked and protected. The target will not be immune to investigation. She cannot target the same player two nights in a row.
BLANCHE DEVEREAUX (COMMUTER) – Blanche’s social life is very busy. VERY busy. She enjoys the company of men and is seldom home in the evening. As a result, Blanche is the town commuter, and is immune to all night actions every other evening.
ROSE NYLUND (COP) – Although Rose might seem dumb, she was assistant to an investigative reporter and worked at the suicide hotline. Also there was that time Miles turned out to be in the Witness Protection Program. Rose is the town cop. Rose submits a target each night to be investigated. Wolves return a result of “Yutz,” town and unaffiliated players return a result of “Not a Yutz.” She cannot target the same player two nights in a row.
SOPHIA PETRILLO (VENGEFUL) – Sophia can be a wise old woman, but she’s also a vengeful Sicilian well-acquainted with curses from her village. If Sophia is day-killed, she may choose another player to die with her on her way out.
14 12 9 SOPHISTICATED WOMEN IN THEIR 60’s (VANILLA TOWN)
THE YUTZES (
FIVE FOUR TWO WOLVES) STANLEY ZBORNAK (UNDETECTABLE WOLF) – Dorothy’s ex-husband Stan has done all manner of ridiculous things, from leaving her for a flight attendant to kidnapping her on her wedding day to Leslie Nielsen. As King of the Yutzes, his overwhelming sleaziness makes him undetectable to the town cop, and he will return a result of “Not a Yutz.” FREIDA CLAXTON (WOLF ROLE COP) – When the Girls try their hardest to save a beautiful old oak tree at a public hearing, Freida Claxton, who has the tree on her property, tells the city to tear it down, and also admits that she hates Rose. She’s pretty mean and she keeps a list. Each night, Freida submits a player’s name to be investigated. Town players with roles will return a result of “Roled,” vanilla town and the SK will return a result of “Vanilla.”
CAROL WESTON (WOLF ROLEBLOCKER) – Carol is an awfully needy neighbor, and would show up unannounced periodically until she finally got her own spinoff with her father and sister. What a pain. Each night, Carol can show up unannounced and block the actions of one player. She cannot block the same player two nights in a row.
COUSIN SVEN LINDSTROM (COMMUTER WOLF) – Sven is Rose’s sweet dumb cousin from St. Olaf. He’s also nothing but trouble. Unused to the ways of the world, Sven falls in love with Blanche and causes all sorts of drama between the girls. Being from out of town, he has to travel back and forth to Miami from Minnesota. As a result, he will be immune to night actions every other evening.
ANGELA PETRILLO (VANILLA WOLF) – Angela is Sophia’s daughter-in-law, and Sophia always hated her for allowing Phil to indulge his cross-dressing habit. They did make up finally after Phil’s death. As such, Angela is just a vanilla wolf, and really not a bad person at all.
DAISY (SERIAL KILLER) – Perhaps the Golden Girls’ arch-nemesis, Daisy is a Sunshine Cadet who bought Rose’s childhood teddy bear when it had been put out by mistake at a yard sale. Unwilling to give the bear back to the heartbroken Rose, Daisy holds the bear for ransom and threatens its life and limb. Daisy is one tough cookie. Daisy is a traditional serial killer, and wins when it comes down to just them and one other person.
- The order of actions will be roleblocking and protection first, and then whatever order will result in the most actions going through.
- Ties result in RNG between the tied players.
- Wolves share a QT. There will be no eavesdropping mechanics.
- You win if your faction is the last one standing or it is mathematically impossible for another faction to win. A tied final day will result in a special ending.
- You must make a minimum of three posts per day to avoid being mod-killed or replaced. Do not quote from your QTs. DO NOT EDIT YOUR COMMENTS.
- There may be events, with prizes. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
- Colonel Mustard (Clayton Hollingsworth)
- MacCrocodile (Julia Sugarbaker)
Captain Video (Nixon and also Kissinger)UNDETECTABLE WOLF
- Emmelemm (Kitty Witless)
- The Hayes Code (Yzma)
Lindsay (Wesley Crusher)VANILLA TOWN Hohopossum (Good Kitty)VANILLA TOWN
- MSD (Lillian)
Malthusc (Billie Baker)VANILLA TOWN
- Tiff Aching’s Golden Hare (Brenda Leigh Johnson)
Anna (?)VANILLA TOWN
- DW (Gwen Stacey)
- RalphWaldoWiggum (Shania Twain)
- Miss Rim (Natalie Green)
OldGrondle (?)REPLACED: Side Character
- Goat (V.I.G.I.)
- April (Eustace)
- inDEEEEEEEEEEEED (Count Dracula)
Kim (The Sims)– VANILLA WOLF
- Dicentra (Elaine Stritch)
- Nate the Lesser (Mr. T.)
Louie Blue (Columbo)VANILLA TOWN
- Grumproro (Miss Marple)
Narrowstrife (Darren McFarren)WOLF ROLE COP
- Raven and Rose
- Forget It Jake
You are a SOPHISTICATED WOMAN IN HER 60’S (VANILLA TOWN). As such, you have no special powers other than your vote. Each day you can vote to send someone you believe to be a Yutz off to the Shady Pines Retirement Home. Once all the Yutzes are gone (and that horrible little twit Daisy), you can lead your swinging hip older lady Miami lifestyle in peace!
TWILIGHT WILL BE 11AM CENTRAL ON SUNDAY NOVEMBER 8TH.