All the girls were out on the lanai, which is a porch but in Miami. They were having a lovely time, playing scrabble and caring for their gay minks, until Blanche stopped them.
“Wait,” she said. “Someone’s missing. I can tell because she was wearing a perfume that smelled like Savannah on a wet spring morning with the kudzu starting to sprout in a very…phallic…way…”
“Jesus, Blanche,” Dorothy muttered.
“Picture it, Sicily, 1932,” Sophia began, as the girls all looked at her. “A young Anglican priest became curate of the diocese of the island. As she was walking down the hill to the market one day, a cow blocked her path. She went up to the cow and started singing a hymn to it to get it to move, but instead the cow turned her head to the priest and began speaking in a satanic voice…If you want to be good curate, you need to buy some salami–“
“Ma! What the hell is this about?” Dorothy asked.
“Oh. Oh yeah. The yutzes got that Anglican curate. Also, I think she might have been a Satanist.”
MALTHUSC (Billie Baker) has been RETIRED TO SHADY PINES. He (she) was a SOPHISTICATED WOMAN IN HER 60’S (VANILLA TOWN).
Just then, something dropped from the tree above to the lanai. Rose screamed out in horror.
“That’s…that’s Fernando’s leg!”
Dorothy picked up the teddy bear’s leg. On it, in blood, were written four simple words.
I. AM. GOOD. KITTY.
GOOD KITTY (Hoho) has been RETIRED TO SHADY PINES. He was a SOPHISTICATED WOMAN IN HER 60’S (VANILLA TOWN).
THE GIRLS (
18 16 13 TOWN)
DOROTHY ZBORNAK (JAILER) – With Dorothy’s hard-shelled exterior and experience as a substitute teacher, she’s a perfect fit for her job as the town jailer. Each night, Dorothy submits a target to be roleblocked and protected. The target will not be immune to investigation. She cannot target the same player two nights in a row.
BLANCHE DEVEREAUX (COMMUTER) – Blanche’s social life is very busy. VERY busy. She enjoys the company of men and is seldom home in the evening. As a result, Blanche is the town commuter, and is immune to all night actions every other evening.
ROSE NYLUND (COP) – Although Rose might seem dumb, she was assistant to an investigative reporter and worked at the suicide hotline. Also there was that time Miles turned out to be in the Witness Protection Program. Rose is the town cop. Rose submits a target each night to be investigated. Wolves return a result of “Yutz,” town and unaffiliated players return a result of “Not a Yutz.” She cannot target the same player two nights in a row.
SOPHIA PETRILLO (VENGEFUL) – Sophia can be a wise old woman, but she’s also a vengeful Sicilian well-acquainted with curses from her village. If Sophia is day-killed, she may choose another player to die with her on her way out.
14 12 9 SOPHISTICATED WOMEN IN THEIR 60’s (VANILLA TOWN)
THE YUTZES (
FIVE FOUR WOLVES)
STANLEY ZBORNAK (UNDETECTABLE WOLF) – Dorothy’s ex-husband Stan has done all manner of ridiculous things, from leaving her for a flight attendant to kidnapping her on her wedding day to Leslie Nielsen. As King of the Yutzes, his overwhelming sleaziness makes him undetectable to the town cop, and he will return a result of “Not a Yutz.”
FREIDA CLAXTON (WOLF ROLE COP) – When the Girls try their hardest to save a beautiful old oak tree at a public hearing, Freida Claxton, who has the tree on her property, tells the city to tear it down, and also admits that she hates Rose. She’s pretty mean and she keeps a list. Each night, Freida submits a player’s name to be investigated. Town players with roles will return a result of “Roled,” vanilla town and the SK will return a result of “Vanilla.”
CAROL WESTON (WOLF ROLEBLOCKER) – Carol is an awfully needy neighbor, and would show up unannounced periodically until she finally got her own spinoff with her father and sister. What a pain. Each night, Carol can show up unannounced and block the actions of one player. She cannot block the same player two nights in a row.
COUSIN SVEN LINDSTROM (COMMUTER WOLF) – Sven is Rose’s sweet dumb cousin from St. Olaf. He’s also nothing but trouble. Unused to the ways of the world, Sven falls in love with Blanche and causes all sorts of drama between the girls. Being from out of town, he has to travel back and forth to Miami from Minnesota. As a result, he will be immune to night actions every other evening.
ANGELA PETRILLO (VANILLA WOLF) – Angela is Sophia’s daughter-in-law, and Sophia always hated her for allowing Phil to indulge his cross-dressing habit. They did make up finally after Phil’s death. As such, Angela is just a vanilla wolf, and really not a bad person at all.
DAISY (SERIAL KILLER) – Perhaps the Golden Girls’ arch-nemesis, Daisy is a Sunshine Cadet who bought Rose’s childhood teddy bear when it had been put out by mistake at a yard sale. Unwilling to give the bear back to the heartbroken Rose, Daisy holds the bear for ransom and threatens its life and limb. Daisy is one tough cookie. Daisy is a traditional serial killer, and wins when it comes down to just them and one other person.
- The order of actions will be roleblocking and protection first, and then whatever order will result in the most actions going through.
- Ties result in RNG between the tied players.
- Wolves share a QT. There will be no eavesdropping mechanics.
- You win if your faction is the last one standing or it is mathematically impossible for another faction to win. A tied final day will result in a special ending.
- You must make a minimum of three posts per day to avoid being mod-killed or replaced. Do not quote from your QTs. DO NOT EDIT YOUR COMMENTS.
- There may be events, with prizes. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
- Colonel Mustard (Clayton Hollingsworth)
- MacCrocodile (Julia Sugarbaker)
- Captain Video (Nixon and also Kissinger)
- Emmelemm (Kitty Witless)
- The Hayes Code (Yzma)
Lindsay (Wesley Crusher)VANILLA TOWN Hohopossum (Good Kitty)VANILLA TOWN
- MSD (Lillian)
Malthusc (Billie Baker)VANILLA TOWN
- Tiff Aching’s Golden Hare (Brenda Leigh Johnson)
Anna (?)VANILLA TOWN
- DW (Gwen Stacey)
- RalphWaldoWiggum (Shania Twain)
- Miss Rim (Natalie Green)
OldGrondle (?)REPLACED: Side Character
- Goat (V.I.G.I.)
- April (Eustace)
- inDEEEEEEEEEEEED (Count Dracula)
Kim (The Sims)– VANILLA WOLF
- Dicentra (Elaine Stritch)
- Nate the Lesser (Mr. T.)
Louie Blue (Columbo)VANILLA TOWN
- Grumproro (Miss Marple)
- Narrowstrife (Darren McFarren)
- Raven and Rose
- Forget It Jake
You are a SOPHISTICATED WOMAN IN HER 60’S (VANILLA TOWN). As such, you have no special powers other than your vote. Each day you can vote to send someone you believe to be a Yutz off to the Shady Pines Retirement Home. Once all the Yutzes are gone (and that horrible little twit Daisy), you can lead your swinging hip older lady Miami lifestyle in peace!
TWILIGHT WILL BE 11AM CENTRAL ON FRIDAY NOVEMBER 6. (Sorry for the long day, I’m really pulling for the election to be resolved by then.)