They were incredibly angry about my use of the word fnine in the Streaming Preview. But I’ll be cold in the ground before I call it F9.
…Where were we? Oh. right, television.
HBO
McMillions
A six-part documentary series, McMillion$ chronicles the stranger-than-fiction true story of how $24 million-dollars was stolen from the McDonald’s Monopoly game of the 1990s, the mystery mastermind behind the scam and the intrepid FBI agents on his trail.
Quick Thoughts: Awww, this looks wacky.
Wait…I played McDonalds Monopoly in the 90s.
*deep inhale*
VENGEANCE. VENGEANCE SWIFT AND BLOODY. MAY THE BURGER KING TAKE YOUR TREACHEROUS HEAD, STUPID CLOWN.
Premiered February 3rd
OWN
Cherish The Day
Cherish the Day chronicles the stirring romance of one couple, with each episode spanning a single day. The season-long narrative will unfold to reveal significant moments in a relationship that compel us to hold true to the ones we love, from the extraordinary to the everyday.
Starring: Xosha Roquemore, Alano Miller, Cicely Tyson, Michael Beach, Anne-Marie Johnson, Kellee Stewart
Quick Thoughts: I mostly know Alano Miller as the scheming Cato in Underground and Xosha Roquemore as Tamra in The Mindy Project. Those two characters were both larger than life and I’m really interested in seeing their actors do something so different. Especially since the cast and the premise are both incredible. Yessss Cicely Tyson. Don’t ever retire. Be a series regular on a show at 95 years old. I’m also fascinated by the concept of watching a couple on random days of their relationship. I know it takes place over 5 years but do they jump forward? Does the season unfold in a linear way? I’ll not rest until I get answ-
OH! ALANO MILLER IS ALSO THE GUY ON JANE THE VIRGIN WHO GOT IMPALED ON AN ICE MARLIN. THE ONE WITH THE EVIL TWIN. Wait…the ice marlin twin might have been the evil one.
Premieres February 11th
USA
Briarpatch
Briarpatch follows Allegra Dill, a dogged investigator returning to her border-town Texas home after her sister is murdered. What begins as a search for a killer turns into an all-consuming fight to bring her corrupt hometown to its knees.
Starring: Rosario Dawson, Jay R. Ferguson, Edi Gathegi, Brian Geraghty, Kim Dickens
Quick Thoughts: I consider this a Josie and the Pussycats reunion and will therefore be watching every episode. Thank you. I will be taking no questions at this time.
Premieres February 6th
IFC
Year of the Rabbit
Detective Inspector Rabbit and his new young partners investigate murder trials in Victorian London. Anxieties rise when they discover an ancient secret society has resurfaced and is wreaking havoc on the city.
Starring: Matt Berry, Alun Armstrong, Freddie Fox, Susan Wokoma, Paul Kaye, Ann Mitchell, Keeley Hawes
Quick Thoughts: Hello there Alun Armstrong, Best Thernardier. I like your muttonchops.
Premieres February 19th
Epix
Slow Burn
In this adaptation of the award-winning podcast, Slow Burn excavates the strange subplots and forgotten characters of recent political history—and finds surprising parallels to the present. In Season 1, Watergate’s story unfolds as the contemporary political landscape plays along.
Starring: Leon Neyfakh
Quick Thoughts: There’s been a real trend in adapting podcasts recently but they’re usually fictionalized versions. So is this just…the podcast but for eyes? Might be interesting to see how it differs from the source material though. And if you haven’t listened to the podcast, you’ll get the full impact.
Premieres February 16th
War of the Worlds
When astronomers detect a transmission from another galaxy, it is definitive proof of intelligent extra-terrestrial life. The world’s population waits for further contact with bated breath. They do not have to wait long. Within days, mankind is all but wiped out by a devastating attack; pockets of humanity are left in an eerily deserted world. As aliens hunt and kill those left alive, the survivors ask a burning question – who are these attackers and why are they hell-bent on our destruction? Emotional, cinematic and rooted in character, it is a unique marriage of human drama and the best science fiction. This is a story of ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances – but they are more than just victims in a brutal war. For, as we will come to realize, the aliens’ savage attack on earth is not arbitrary: its seeds are being sown before our very eyes.
Starring: Gabriel Byrne, Elizabeth McGovern, Léa Drucker, Adel Bencherif, Emilie de Preissac, Natasha Little, Daisy Edgar Jones, Ty Tennant, Bayo Gbadamosi, Stephen Campbell Moore, Stéphane Caillard, Aaron Heffernan
Quick Thoughts: I have to give this a chance because Howard Overman created Misfits. I’m curious as to how someone who made one of the most insane, raunchy things on television does War of the Worlds. I hope the Milk Guy crosses over.
Premieres February 16th
E!
The Soup
From the hottest new series, to the latest OMG reality TV moments, to the best viral videos, plus everything in between, The Soup offers fans the chance to catch up on what they’ve missed and offer humorous commentary on the most-talked-about pop culture moments of the week.
Starring: Jade Catta-Preta
Quick Thoughts: This seems about right. Riverdale‘s been on for 4 seasons. The fact that they weren’t there for Archie’s shirtless teen militia or Chad Michael Murray’s cult rocket is a crime. I don’t know much about Jade Catta-Preta but I loved the Joel McHale version of The Soup so much. Bring back Best Week Ever next, please.
The original version not the one ripping off The Soup.
Premieres February 12th
TruTV
Hot Ones – The Game Show
This hilarious half-hour game show is based on the hugely popular Hot Ones web series. In each episode, fans are welcomed into the “Pepperdome” to compete against one another by answering trivia and eating increasingly mouth-scorching wings for $25,000 and the chance to become Hot Ones legends.
Starring: Sean Evans
Quick Thoughts: I’m sure that watching non-famous people nearly die from eating wings slathered in the essence of ghost peppers will be just entertaining as celebrities doing the same.
Premieres February 18th
It’s Personal With Amy Hoggart
The new series, featuring under-qualified and over-confident Brit Amy Hoggart, seeks to make Americans feel better by attacking issues that make their lives- and Amy’s-harder.
Starring: Amy Hoggart
Quick Thoughts: Amy Hoggart used to be on this BBC America show where she pretended to be a British noble touring the US. She’s fucking amazing. I’m so happy that she’s doing so well.
Premieres February 26th
