Hi ho, Raven Wilder here.
Some of you may remember when I posted a weekly feature to the Avocado called Muppet Casting, where I’d take famous movies and ask, if Jim Henson’s Muppets made their own version of the film (in the vein of The Muppet Christmas Carol or Muppet Treasure Island) which Muppets would be cast in the lead roles?
A year ago, I retired Muppet Casting as a regular feature, but I didn’t say I’d never make another one of these again. And since my run on Muppet Casting began with Star Wars and ended with Star Wars, it seemed only fitting to make a return appearance with Star Wars … The Sequel Trilogy!
First, lets cast the characters introduced in this new trilogy of movies:
Kermit the Frog as Rey – You might think this is the boring choice, that Kermit’s only getting the part because he’s usually the lead hero in Muppet productions, and there’s not that much to Rey’s character beyond Standard Issue Hero. That’s definitely a factor. But there’s another reason for casting Kermit in this role. You see, if he’s playing Rey, that opens up the door for …
Miss Piggy as Kylo Ren – This is a matchup so perfect, it had to happen. Fueled by anger, intensely image conscious, constantly trying to project style and dignity, but descending into violent, undignified temper tantrums when things don’t go their way? No Muppet could do Kylo justice like Miss Piggy. The weirdly combative attraction to Kermit/Rey is just icing.
Gonzo the Great as Poe – Poe’s most consistent character trait is his recklessness, and Gonzo is absolutely the Muppet to pull insane stunts that should get him and everyone around him blown up.
Fozzie Bear as Finn – Since I cast Kermit as Rey, to get the right buddy movie dynamic in The Force Awakens, you need Fozzie in the role of Finn. And I think Fozzie would definitely be great in the comedy-at-Finn’s-expense moments.
Scooter & Skeeter as Rose & Paige Tico – I needed some sibling Muppets for these parts, and when I realized how much overlap there was between “stage hand” and “ship mechanic”, it seemed too good a fit not to go with.
Uncle Deadly as Snoke – Snoke’s whole job is to sit in a chair looking menacing. That’s about it. So whatever Muppet you cast in the part had better be really damn good at looking menacing.
Link Hogthrob as Hux – Pompous asshat who’s let his position of authority go to his head: great fit for Link. And the dynamic between him and Piggy’s Kylo would be a fun Pigs In Space callback.
Janice as Holdo – Both Poe and the audience are supposed to, initially, have zero confidence in Holdo’s leadership skills. Making her Janice, leaning hard into her hippy-dippyness, would be a hilarious way to get that across (and make the twist even more surprising).
Crazy Harry as Babu Frick – I asked myself, who’s the absolute last person you’d want poking around inside your brain?
Statler & Waldorf as Sith Cultists – Their whole job is to sit on a balcony during the big climax, not participating, just watching what’s going on. If that role doesn’t go to Statler & Waldorf, letting them riff on all the absurd stuff that goes down between Palpatine and Rey, then I don’t even know what we’re doing here.
That’s it for the new characters in the Sequel Trilogy, but what about the Original Trilogy characters making return appearances? Well …
Bert & Ernie as Han & Leia – With very little screentime, these two need to sell you that they had a long and epic romance in their past. I ask you, who epitomizes old married couple better than Bertram & Ernard?
Cookie Monster as Chewbacca – Because of one scene, and one scene only: “PORGS!!! OM NOM NOM NOM!!”
Oscar the Grouch as Luke Skywalker – C’mon, how hilarious would all of Luke’s scenes in The Last Jedi be with Oscar taking his grouchy-old-manness up to eleven? “Impressive. Every word in that sentence was wrong.”
Grover as C3PO – Picturing Grover delivering both C3PO’s panicked excitement and his droll comments … it just feels right.
The Count as Emperor Palpatine – Imagine the “I am all the Sith!” speech, except it goes, “I am one Sith! Ha ha ha ha. Two Sith! Ha ha ha ha. Three Sith! Ha ha ha ha.”
Yoda as Himself
Those are my picks for a Muppet rendition of Star Wars – The Sequel Trilogy. What are yours?