Thin Ice (An Avocado Story)

Heathcliff has been Frozen!!!

It was just a normal day at the comic strip club until the call came in; Heathcliff had been attacked. With the help of Dikachu, Joey is determined to find out “who’dunn’it”.

…the number one suspect; Queen Light.

Thin Ice – Part 1

Dik: Well, this isn’t what I was expecting…

Joey: And it’s not the way to start a fucking Monday.

Dik: No Kidding.

Dik: Heathcliff is Beloved. Who would do this?

Joey: I’m going to find out.

Joey: This whole thing is absolutely outrageous! beyond the pale! I can’t imagine the comic strip club without Heathcliff, he’s the highlight! I almost feel light shutting the whole place down entirely! Upvotes be damned!

Betty: I don’t think it has to come all the way to that.

Veronica: Calm down, Joey. Don’t get your, uhm, whatever in a twist.

Joey: I’ll do no such thing!

Veronica: What is it with Heathcliff anyway? I don’t get why you are all so obessed with the little guy. I mean, it’s not like his strip is funny anyway…

Joey: What???

Veronica: I just don’t get what’s so funny? His strip is just one panel and he doesn’t talk! I mean everything about it is just so — Bleh!!!

Joey: “Bleh”??? That’s a bannable offence!

Dogbert: Okay, Joey. Calm down.

Joey: Bert!

Dogert: *Dogbert. I will not correct you again!

Joey: Sorry! how’s Heathcliff? is he going to be okay???

Dogbert: He’s alive. but he still needs to thaw out.

Joey: Oh, thank Christ! How long until he’s able to make more comic strip for me to post?

Dogbert: Hard to say…

Veronica: Did you see he defaced one of Garfield’s volumes? Like, what’s all that about?

Dogbert: Mhm. the Garfield volume. I did, in fact, see it was defaced.

Dogert: Upon Garfield’s face. …there was drawn a mustache.

Dik: Yeah, we noticed that too. …so?

Dogert: “So” — why did he do it in the first place? “So” — why was he up in the library so late at night? “So” — why this and why that? “So” — it raises questions is my point here.

Joey: I kinda felt there was a certain level of trust until now.

Dogert: Why don’t you keep it locked?

Joey: We keep it open so anyone can read them.

Dogbert: Just anyone? You don’t monitor the going’s on?

Joey: Well…

Dogert: Perhaps this was bound to happen? Perhaps you shouldn’t be so trusting?

Dik: Bert… I think we get your point.

Dogert” *Dogbert!!!

*BZZZZ*

Intercom: Bert? I’ve found something! Bert???

Dogbert: I’m getting so sick to death of correcting you all! *Dogbert!

Intercom: Oh, uhm. Right. Dogbert. My bad.

Dogbert: Mhm. What have you found?

Intercom: It’s the archives sir. I’ve been re-organizing things here and…

Dogert: …and?

Intercom: Well, let’s just clarify some unknown facts, shall we?

Intercom: Heathcliff was created before Garfield?

Dik: Yes.

Joey: Yes.

Intercom: …by half a decade it looks like…

Intercom: …and Garfield was never meant as an intended rip-off?

Dik: No.

Joey: …yes!

Intercom: Yet, Garfield is more well known to the public.

Intercom: So, all of the similarities are coincidental?

Joey: Well…

Dik: …more or less, I suppose.

Intercom: I see. Parallel thinking strikes again.

Cleo: Cliffy? Where is he?

Cleo: Have you seen Cliffy?

Veronica: Haven’t you heard? He was attacked late last night.

Cleo: What do you mean? Attacked?

Veronica: Go talk to Joey.

Cleo: Uhm, Joey? where’s Cliffy, I can’t find him.

Joey: Hi, Cleo. Heathcliff was attacked last night. Poor little guy. He was found in the library frozen in ice… They don’t know how long it will take for him to thaw out, but he’ll be okay… However, we don’t yet know why this has happened or who has done it, atthis point. But. …we will.

Cleo: What? Frozen in ice? That doesn’t make any sense… I was with him!

Joey: You were with Heathcliff last night?

Cleo: Yes! Here. All of the Catillac Cats were hanging out. Right here.

Joey: How did he end up in the library?

Cleo: Oh. We were… We were, uhm. Oh…

Joey: (to Dik) The club stays closed for today.

Dik: Wait, really? –what about the upvotes?

Joey: I don’t know Dik. I just wouldn’t feel comfortable getting upvotes without first posting a Heathcliff comic strip.

Dik: Okay, if you say so…

Joey: I don’t want anybody in here until we find out what happened to Heathcliff. — I mean nobody!

Cleo: Except me!

Joey: Yes, I want to talk to you about last night.

Joey: (to Cleo) Stick around. We’ll go talk in my office in 15 minutes.

Cleo: You betch’ya!

Dik: *Yaaaawn.

Joey: Dik. I’ll need your help. Do you still have yer badge?

Dik: Ahh, c’mon, Joey. It’s Monday morning!

Joey: Dik. I need you to ask everyone if they saw something. Don’t do it for me, do it for Heathcliff.

Dik: Ugh. Fine.

Joey: Sorry fer the mess. Sometimes I don’t even know how it becomes such a pigsty!

Cleo: Oh, it’s fine. I’ve seen worse with the Catillac Cats back in the 80’s.

Joey: Heh. Jeez… You might not know… But, I’m a big fan.

Cleo: Oh, of course I’m aware! We were huge at one point. And then… Well, you know… Axed.

Joey: Which is a shame.

Cleo: Tell me about it. One minute we’re on the top of the world and the next …nobody even knows who we are. We had a great run but it came to an end too soon. Bound to happen.

Joey: Ah, don’t give up hope on a second chance. Heck, with all of these reboots and remakes, 80’s nostalgia is all the rage, these days.

Cleo: Yeah, maybe. I know the gang would be all for a revival show. but I have a feeling Cliffy would just get compared to Garfield. — Again!!! Which I never “got”.

Joey: Right? I never got it either!

Cleo: Ha…

Joey: Damn kids.

Cleo: It’s true. …maybe Netflix would be interested.

Joey: Here’s hoping.

Cleo: But thank god for this place. …or for you, I guess. …We appreciate you letting us all hang out here.

Joey: No need to thank me, Cleo. It’s the least I could do!

Cleo: Haha! Well, still. … …but yeah. I hope you find whoever attacked Cliffy, last night. the six of us love hanging out and it won’t be the same without him.

Joey: You mean the seven of you. …there are seven Catillac Cats.

Cleo: Oh. What do you mean?

Joey: I mean, I find it weird that Heathcliff wasn’t with Sonja.

Cleo: Oh, I don’t — she never hung out with us much. …she was never really apart of our little group, anyway. Riff-Raff, Mungo, Hector, Wordsworth and myself. But Sonja, she was just …there.

Joey: Do you’re all hanging out like old time. …but you two leave.

Cleo: We went upstairs.

Joey: Why?

Cleo: Why, what?

Joey:” Why did the two of you leave early?

Cleo: Oh. It was late. …and you know how the Catillac Cats can get; pulling all nighter’s and partying until the sun comes up. …and I’m getting out of that lifestyle.

Joey: …

Cleo: And uhm. …Cliffy offered to escort me to my room.

Thin Ice – Part 2

Light: Okay, — look! I don’t know what happened to Heathcliff. so, please. for the last time; I did not do this!

Light: Are we done?

Joey: Hmm…

Dik: yeah, I think we got every —

Joey: Hold on, Dik. I’m not finished.

Light: I need to get back to work.

Light: Like, what more do you want from me? — Fuck!

Joey: I’m curious about the nature of your powers.

Light: What about them?

Joey: Well, as you’ve said… and I quote. … “I’m still unable to control them”.

Light: I said; I’m working on it.

Joey: See? and that is what I find interesting. Remind me, how long have you had your powers exactly…? …besides your whole life. I wonder, what is taking you so long?

Light: …

Joey: Because the only thing that I can think of, the only thing that it could be… is that you don’t want to.

Light: Stop.

Joey: No, really. I’m starting to believe that’s what it could be…

Light: …

Joey: You don’t want to control your powers. …you don’t want to overcome your trauma. …and just maybe you enjoy being seen as this helpless little girl. …because it’s easier than doing something about it.

Light: Are we done?

Jon Arbuckle: Joey! Dik! How long’s it been? It’s so great to see you guys!

Jon: I apologize for not being at the Comic Strip Club lately. This holiday season has been a lot busier than I was expecting it to be. — finally finished putting up all of the outside decorations yesterday, what’ya think?! — and the tree goes up today!

Joey: Ah, no worries, Jon. Stop by whenever you have the chance, — the place is always open! heh.

Jon: So, what brings the two of you by on this chilly Monday morning? Garfield is still asleep and I doubt he’d get up for you two. -..no offense.

Joey: We’re here because Heathcliff was attacked last night.

Jon: Huh?

Joey: It’s bad, Jon.

Jon: And what does that have to do with Garfield?

Joey: He was found in the library with the archive.

[Joey holds up the Garfield volume with a mustache drawn on Garfield’s face].

Joey: …and this volume of “Garfield” was laying on the floor right next to him…

Jon: …

Joey: As you can see, Heathcliff has drawn a mustache on Garfield’s face, here.

Jon: …

Joey: …and well, given what happened to the two of them back in the 80’s… I think we can all agree it was more than a friendly rivalry…

Jon: …

Joey: So, we’re here because we want to ask Garfield a few questions.

Jon: Allow me to get this straight… You found Heathcliff in the library… with one of our old volumes… that Heathcliff defaced… and the logical thing to do… is suspect Garfield?

Joey: I’m just wondering if the bad blood between the two had been rekindled.

Jon: Bad blood?

Joey: Well, yeah, you know. Like the old days.

Jon: Why would there be bad blood?

Dik: Well, you know how they were always compared. …and seen as rip-offs.

Jon: …rip-offs?

Jon: I can see the similarities between the two, but I —

Joey: I wonder if Garfield is jealous cuz Heathcliff was created first. Which he was!

Dik: There’s just some confusion if you’re not a die hard fan.

Jon: Garfield is not a rip-off.

Joey: Heathcliff pre-dates him!

Jon: — by a whole five years, sure. ..it’s true. But Garfield wouldn’t… I mean just look at him. His whole premise is about being fat and lazy.

Joey: I’ve shut down the Comic Strip Club and this is my top priority Jon. I want to get this solved before I open it again.

Jon: Hmm.. I see.

Jon: Well… I love the Comic Strip Club. …and I like the two of you. But, I don’t appreciate this. So,I’m sorry to do it but. …I’m going to have to ask you two to leave.

Dik: Sorry, Jon.

Dik: Christ, it’s barely the afternoon!

Joey: Just taking the edge off… all of this “detectiving” is harder than I thought.

Dik: Yep. Which is a big reason why I gave it all up. You can see that it;s a lot of wasted effort for little to no reason …and for little to no real gain.

Dik. …plus the paycheck sucks.

Joey: Heathcliff’s safety is the only reward I need.

Dik: Okay, well. …this is already taking too long. so we might want to think about solving this thing before the first 24 hours is up…

Joey: (coughing)

Joey: I’d offer you some but that was the last of the batch. …gotta grab.

Dik: Eh, it’s cool.

Joey: *cough.

Dik: Since the Comic Strip Club is still locked up. what’s next…?

Joey: You wanna break for lunch?

Dik: Sure. …I could eat.

Jawesome: Welcome back to the Daily Disqus. Your favorite source of all of your entertainment needs. I’m your host; J. Jordan Jawesome.

Jawesome: Panic ensues at the Comic Strip Club today… …as beloved Comic Strip cat “Heathcliff” was attacked late last night.

Jawesome: Sources report that Heathcliff has been frozen inside of a block of ice. Whether or not this was a isolated incident is unclear at this point in time…

Jawesome: Today my special guest is Jon Arbuckle of “Garfield” fame. Hello Jon!

Jon: Happy to have me, Jawes!

Jawesome: I understand that both you and Garfield are frequent residents at the Comic Strip Club…

Jon: Yes, — my home was invaded this morning by two Avocados who shall remain nameless…

Jawesome: Haha. Okay…

Jon: I just want to make it clear to those who don’t know; Garfield has never been a “rip-off” — and that Heathcliff doesn’t hold a speck of dust, yet alone a candle, to Gar–

Jon: Hey — give me back my mic!

Jawesome: Get him out of here!!!

Jawesome: Oh, uhm. Ahem. …here’s wishing Heathcliff a speedy recovery.

Dik: I guess the word is out…

Joey: Guess so…

Dik: We “invaded” his home?

Joey: Ah, the guy’s nuts!

Dik: Sounds like he’s still living in the past…

Joey: Yeah. …poor guy.

Dik: Not just him.

Joey: What do you mean?

Dik: Well, I mean Joey… You know that I love the Comic Strip Club. …and I don’t mind helping you out and showing you the ropes with this detective stuff…. and even if we are losing upvotes, it’s not about that. …this is more important…

Joey: Losing those upvotes is a shame. …anyways, what’s your point?

Dik: …and I know Heathcliff is your favorite. but do you think that you’re nostalgia for the 80’s could be … just a bit … clouding your judgment?

Joey: What??? That’s ridiculous, Dik — of course not! Why?!

Dik: You were kinda hard on Light, don’t yah think?

Joey: Ah, yeah. …maybe a little bit. It didn’t seem like she did it. And it’s not like she has a reason to do it anyway. So, we’ll take her off the list — for now!

Cookie: Hey guys, Sonja is looking for you. She’s in the break room now.

Joey: Only a matter of time. …Thank Cookie!

Sonja: What the hell is going on, Joey? Where’s Heathcliff?!

Sonja: I was at my Mother’s for the weekend and it looks like all hell has broken loose!

Dik: Hi Sonja!

Sonja: Hi Dik.

Joey: Hi Sonja… I was looking for you earlier. All the craziness would be my fault. I shut the place down because, uh…

Joey: Well, there’s no easy way of saying this… So, I guess I’ll just say it. Actually I’m getting a little chocked up just thinking about it again. *Gaaak!

Joey: Heathcliff. …was brutally attacked last night.

Sonja: Attacked how?

Joey: Well, …first, he didn’t have a new strip today. I always post Heathcliff’s strip first, you see. Then, the call came in… and this is going to sound really weird, but he was found upstairs in the library. …frozen solid inside of a block of ice. We thought it was Light, —

Sonja: …Light?

Joey: Yeah, you know… Elsa, the Frozen enthusiast. She shoots ice from her hands. …and can’t control her powers. We questioned her earlier this morning but, —

Dik: We questioned Light, but she said that she didn’t so it and there’s no proff that she did it, so she’s out.

Sonja: — and you’re just going to believe that she didn’t freeze my Heathy?

Joey: Well, like Dik said….there’s no proof she did it.

Sonja: How about the fact she shoots ice.

Joey: She doesn’t have a motive either…

Sonja: Then who does?

Joey: Well…

Sonja: Well?

Joey: Well, it’s hard to say… We went over to talk to Garfield but he was sleeping. — but he’s out too. So… no luck there.

Sonja: And?

Joey: And…

Sonja: …

Joey: …Uh.

Cleo: Can we get on with this?

Riff-Raff: Alright… gang’s all here. As we all know… Last night, our beloved brother Heathcliff fell victim to a brutal attack and was found frozen in solid ice… Right here. …in this very library we’re standing in. While we were all at the Comic Strip Club downstairs.

Cleo: Yeh. Good going with that one, guys.

Riff-Raff: And where were you? Hm?

Cleo: What, — me? Nowhere. I was — Iwas in my room all night. By myself.

Riff-Raff: But you and Heathcliff both left… You weren’t at all subtle about your intentions. Weren’t you two together? I’m sure you would’ve saw something.

Cleo: What? …no, I didn’t see anything.

Mungo: Where was he?

Riff-Raff: …are you telling me that after you lured Heathcliff all the way upstairs, that you “somehow” ended up in your bedroom all alone for the night…?

Cleo: Yes, Riff. That’s exactly what I’m telling you.

Riff-Raff: …meaning that he passed on your advances. I guess he really does love Sonja.

Hector: Sure does!

Wordsworth: Good cat!

Cleo: Look, just forget it. …why are we here?

Riff-Raff: — to help our fallen brother. First we praise, then we pray…

Thin Ice – Part 3

Joey: Look, you might want to keep a low profile. They aren’t going to leave you alone until this gets solved.

Light: Are you kidding me?!

Joey: I’m not.

Light: None of this is my fault!

Joey: I’m just saying try not to get in their way.

Light: For real? …so I’m the one who has to leave?

Joey: … I —

Light: That’s bullshit, Joey!

Joey: And what am I supposed to do?

Light: Really?! Oh, I don’t know…? How about the fact — I’m innocent until proven guilty?

Joey: Hey, now! That’s not fair! I’m doing my best to keep the peace! I can’t make everybody happy, — it’s damn impossible! — and quite frankly — this entire investigation would go a helluva lot if you would just — get outta here!!!

Light: (leaving) Whatever. Consider your wish “granted”.

Dik: Light! Wait up! Light!!!

Light: Leave me alone!

Dik: Come on! They didn’t mean it. Don’t leave!

Light: I said — leave me alone!

Dik: It wasn’t anything personal, they don’t even know you! — they’re just protecting Heathcliff. — nothing more — will you come back upstairs?

Light: No!

Dik: We know you would never harm Heathcliff, — we’re going to solve this thing!

Light: Obviously I’m not wanted here, — they’re still going to blame me.

Dik: that’s not true! Come back upstairs!

Light: So I can get harassed, — again?!

Dik: That won’t happen! I’m sorry for all of this! Please, can you just …let it go?

Light: You did not just say that to me!

Dik: That’s not what I meant!

Light: No, it;s been made crystal clear, *snf — Goodbye!

SLAM

Dik: …God dammit.

Joey: Hook me up with the good stuff, Roger. …it’s already been a day.

Roger: Upvotes, Joey. All of ’em.

Joey: …all of them?

Roger: What I said! You want the good stuff, don’t yah?!

Joey: Of course, I do. That’s why I come here but —

Roger: — then pay up!

Joey: …you drive a hard bargain.

[Joey pours all of his upvotes onto front counter]

Roger: Yeeees. That’s right, Joey. Fork ’em over. Every single last one of ’em. Come on! It feel like Christmas morning every time you come in here, you know that?!

Joey: That’s the lot.

Roger: (to Klaus) Start counting!

Klaus: Why do I have to count?

Roger: I said so!

Klaus: You’re no the boss of me!

Roger: Do it!

Klaus: One, two, skip a few… ninety-nine, one hundred!

Roger: Ugh. Looks enough. …we’re square.

Joey: Cool. Catch yahon the flippity!

Roger: Yeah, later…

Klaus: Au Revoir!

Dik: He’s got nostalgia, I know.

Sonja: It’s not just that Dik. This goes deeper than you think. There’s more to our story… that the public never knew.

Dik: What?

Sonja: It all started when we got our TV show.

Sonja: (voice over) We blew up harder than we ever dreamed. We were huge, I’m sure you remember.

Dik: (voice over) I do.

Sonja: (voice over) We were on top. But, it didn’t last. There was a new cat in town… And us? Old news. Heathcliff took it pretty hard. So, did I, I guess. We all did.

Cleo: (flashback) Oh, Cliffy. …I’m so sorry.

Sonja: (voice over) Heathcliff and I found good homes. but the others… The others weren’t so lucky, and being left out in the cold for so long. …some haven’t gotten over it.

Thin Ice – Part 4

Joey: — take that!!!

Marshmellow: AARRGGHH!!!

Joey: — was it you who froze Heathcliff?

Marshmellow: AAAARRRRGGHH!!!

Joey: Who let you in the Library of the comic strip club? — talk!!! I know it was you, tell me — why??? WHY??? Why did you do it — why did you freeze Heathcliff???